Carolyn Cooper | Seaga did right bout di bad road dem

 

CHAKA-CHAKA SPELLING

 

It look like seh Seaga never learn dis ya memory gem eena primary school: 'Self-praise is no recommendation.' Last month, Seaga gi one long, long testimony weh Observer publish: "Where are the controversies in my career, Mr Wignall?" Hear weh im write seh: "I am repeating a previous publication of all the achievements accomplished in my political career, totalling more than 120."

It look bad eeh! Weh mek Seaga bodder wid dat? 'Achievement' a no suppen weh yu can line out. An number off. A di whole a yu life! Pon top a dat, a no yu suppose fi a tell people all a weh yu do. A dem suppose fi see weh yu do an big yu up. Wignall write one column last month, 'All things Seaga are controversial'.

Seaga get bex an back-answer Wignall: "If he reads the list of these achievements, it should satisfy him that they are without controversy, except for Tivoli Gardens and, of course, the naming of the Edward Seaga Highway." But dat a di said same controversy weh Wignall did a write bout! Seaga beg Holness fi clap on fi im name pon di North-South Highway.

Mi no business wid di 120 tings weh Seaga seh im do. Mi a big im up fi im vision bout di bad road dem all over Jamaica. Im did talk out eena Parliament seh Govament fi fix di bad road dem an no spend up no whole heap a money pon highway. It look like Seaga change im mind now. But im did right.

 

SMALL HEAD FUNERAL

 

Two Saturday gone, mi go a funeral fi one a di farmer dem weh did sell eena Papine Market. Everybody call im Small Head. Im head small fi true. Im rightful name a Bernard Elijah Douglas. Im did live eena one district name Robertsfield, top side a Mavis Bank. Mi did hear seh di road bad. Fi mi car couldn't manage it. So mi tek bus from Papine.

Road bad? A lie dem a tell. Dem no have no road up deh. A dry riverbed wid lickle asphalt ya so an deh so. An wen mi tink bout di 'Edward Seaga' Highway, weh nobody much nah drive pon, mi know seh di world no level. Same lacka di highway. A ongle rich people car can hangle di hillside. Old car can't mek it. Radiator a go blow up.

Den fi get from Mavis Bank to Robertsfield, yu a fi tek bike taxi. Di bike man dem nah wear no helmet, so yu done know dem nah no helmet fi dem passenger. Mi so lucky, when wi ketch a Mavis Bank, mi find out seh di driver a di bus, Brother Phinn, im dida go a Small Head funeral! Mi get drive go straight a Pilgrim Church of God. Brother Phinn play guitar eena di band. Di music sweet, yu see! Small Head get a lovely send-off. Weh im gone, di road dem mek outa gold. Im lucky!

 

PRAPA-PRAPA SPELIN

 

It luk laik se Seaga neva lorn dis ya memri jem iina praimeri skuul: 'Self-praise is no recommendation'. Laas mont, Seaga gi wan lang, lang testimani we Observer poblish: 'Where are the controversies in my career, Mr Wignall?' Ier we im rait se: "I am repeating a previous publication of all the achievements accomplished in my political career, totalling more than 120."

It luk bad ii! We mek Seaga bada wid dat? "Achievement" a no sopn we yu kyahn lain out. An nomba aaf. A di uol a yu laif! Pan tap a dat, a no yu supuoz fi a tel piipl aal a we yu du. A dem supuoz fi si we yu du an big yu op. Wignall rait wan kalam laas mont, "All Things Seaga Are Controversial".

Seaga get beks an bakansa Wignall: "If he reads the list of these achievements it should satisfy him that they are without controversy, except for Tivoli Gardens and, of course, the naming of the Edward Seaga Highway." Bot dat a di sed siem kanchravasi we Wignall did a rait bout! Seaga beg Holness fi klap aan fi im niem pan di North-South Highway.

Mi no bizniz wid di 120 tingz we Seaga se im du. Mi a big im op fi im vijan bout di bad ruod dem aal uova Jamieka. Im did taak out iina Paaliment se Govament fi fiks di bad ruod dem an no spen op no uol iip a moni pan aiwie. It luk laik Seaga chienj im main nou. Bot im did rait.

 

SMALL HEAD FINARAL

 

Tuu Satde gaan mi go a finaral fi wan a di faama dem we did sel iina Papine Market. Evribadi kaal im Small Head. Im ed smaal fi chruu. Im raitful niem a Bernard Elijah Douglas. Im did liv iina wan dischrik niem Robertsfield, tap said a Mavis Bank. Mi did ier se di ruod bad. Fi mi kyar kudn manij it. So mi tek bos fram Papine.

Ruod bad? A lai dem a tel. Dem no av no ruod op de. A jrai rivabed wid likl asfaalt ya so an de so. An wen mi tingk bout di 'Edward Seaga' aiwie, we nobadi moch naa jraiv pan, mi nuo se di worl no levl. Siem laka di aiwie. A ongl rich piipl kyar kyahn angl di ilsaid. Uol kyar kyaahn mek it. Riediyieta a go bluo op.

Den fi get fram Mavis Bank to Robertsfield, yu a fi tek baik taksi. Di baik man dem naa wier no elmit so yu don nuo dem naa no elmit fi dem pasinja. Mi so loki, wen wi kech a Mavis Bank, mi fain out se di jraiva a di bos, Breda Phinn, im dida go a Small Head finaral! Mi get jraiv go schriet a Pilgrim Church of God. Breda Phinn plie gitaar iina di ban. Di myuuzik swiit yu si! Small Head get a lovli send-aaf. We im gaan, di ruod dem mek outa guol. Im loki!

- Carolyn Cooper, PhD, is a specialist on culture and development. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and karokupa@gmail.com.