Michael Abrahams | Where are the (eligible) men?

There is a severe crisis in Jamaica now affecting our women, at least the heterosexual ones, and especially those who are educated. It is the shortage of available eligible men. Over almost three decades of being an obstetrician and gynaecologist and listening to the stories of my patients and my female friends, I have realised that this man shortage is not just a real but also a concerning issue. Jokes are made about it, but it is no laughing matter.

Companionship is a human need, and reproduction is necessary for the propagation of our species. So the difficulty women experience in finding appropriate partners threatens not only their mental and social well-being, but also the well-being of our society. But why is the situation as it is? It would be reasonable to assume that women who desire male companionship want men who fulfil at least six basic criteria. Ideally, they want a man who is single, straight, intelligent, educated, employed, and mentally and emotionally stable. It is really not too much to ask, but it is an arduous task in Jamaica today.

A major contributing factor to this catastrophe is the disparity regarding the education of our males and females. For example, the first medical school class at The University of the West Indies (UWI), then known as the University College of the West Indies, had a 70:30 ratio of men to women. Of the 33 students, 23 were male and 10 female. Today, in 2024, the ratio is reversed, with approximately 70 per cent of the students in the faculty being female and 30 per cent male. On the entire UWI campus, the ratio of females to males is 80:20.

Women desire companions at least on par with them regarding intellect, education, and financial stability. However, the education system in Jamaica appears to be skewed towards girls. There are twice as many all-girls schools in Jamaica as schools for boys only, and more resources are allocated towards our girls’ education. Unsurprisingly, our girls excel more than our boys in the Caribbean Secondary Education Certificate (CSEC) and Caribbean Advanced Proficiency Examination (CAPE) examinations. To make matters worse, intellect in our boys is not lauded nowadays as much as it was when I was in my youth. Young men today who have a good command of the English language and excel in their studies run the risk of being ridiculed and bullied for allegedly being gay.

ANOTHER ISSUE

According to the World Economic Forum, Jamaica is among a handful of countries where your boss is more likely to be a woman than a man, which brings to light another issue. As women become more accomplished, there is a tendency for men to feel insecure in relationships with them. And many women, as they await male companionship, become more educated, accomplished, and independent, further diminishing their chances of finding an appropriate mate,

Also, in Jamaica, we too often see the child-rearing concept described in Guyana as the “tie the heifer, release the bull” mentality, meaning that daughters are closely monitored, but boys are allowed greater freedom and independence and fewer responsibilities. I know several women who, after leaving high school, obtained tertiary or quaternary level education while their brothers opted to not further their education. In some instances, the irresponsible behaviour of their male siblings has impacted the lives of these women as some have found themselves taking care of or even adopting the offspring of their brothers as these men and the women they had their children with shirk their paternal and maternal responsibilities.

The absent-father situation in Jamaica is improving but remains a contributing factor to the woes women face when seeking male companionship. Boys thrive on affirmation from older males. When good fathers or appropriate father figures are absent from the lives of these boys, they become vulnerable to the temptation to join gangs and be in the company of other undesirable influences. Their role models become gang leaders, scammers, older wayward boys at school and dancehall deejays, many of whom spout lyrics laced with criminality, violence, and misogyny.

NO INTEREST IN MOTHERHOOD

There are women who have no interest in motherhood. But for those who do, especially in the context of a stable relationship, the quest for a male partner to father children with them can be genuinely distressing. Men produce sperm daily and can reproduce at almost any age. Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger fathered his eighth child at the age of 73. The oldest man on record to father a child, Ramajit Raghav, was 94 years old when he fathered his first child in 2010, and he had a second son two years later. Women, on the other hand, have biological clocks. Females are born with a certain number of eggs, which gradually decrease over time. They produce no more after birth. In medicine, the term “elderly primigravida” refers to a woman who becomes pregnant for the first time at age 35 years as after this age, fertility significantly declines, and there is an increased likelihood of them having or developing conditions that increase the risk of complications that can pose a threat to their pregnancies as well as genetic foetal anomalies.

Women often tell me that “all the good ones are taken”. Many also claim that the men they meet and like and could see themselves in a relationship with are already married. Some end up in relationships with men with the MBA qualification: married but available. Companionship is a real need, and loneliness can be debilitating. I empathise with them.

How do we solve this problem? There is little we can do for females who have already attained adulthood. However, as we go forward, what needs to be done is to re-evaluate our education system, the way we parent our children, how they are socialised, and the utilisation of appropriate mentors for our boys and our young men.

Michael Abrahams is an obstetrician and gynaecologist, social commentator, and human-rights advocate. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and michabe_1999@hotmail.com, or follow him on X , formerly Twitter, @mikeyabrahams.