PM: Children are a blessing
Published:Sunday | June 21, 2020 | 12:00 AMErica Virtue - Senior Gleaner Writer
Prime Minister Andrew Holness’ eyes lit up last week as he unleashed a string of adjectives to describe his tech-loving, on-the-brink-of-adulthood son Adam, and the exercise and music-loving Matthew, who have made him fulfil his dream of being a father.
Seventeen-year-old Adam and 15-year-old Matthew have now graduated to calling him ‘Dad’, up from ‘Daddy’, an endearment he has heard countless times but one he will never get tired of hearing.
In an interview with The Sunday Gleaner last week, Holness delved into his story of planned parenthood, the excitement of becoming a dad, and the journey to date. And as he spoke passionately, his light-brown/greyish eyes beamed with pride as he reflected, sometimes helping to paint a picture of satisfaction.
“I wanted to be a father,” said Holness, 47, Jamaica’s ninth prime minister, who got married to Juliet Landell in 1997.
“Literally, we planned parenthood, so we planned for our children and made preparations for them. So, for me, it was a very exciting time, so there were no issues of being unprepared and having to put things in place. Those things were already done,” he told The Sunday Gleaner.
Planning for Children
Acutely aware of the importance of planning for children, he pointed out that whether planned or unplanned, “children are a blessing”.
Asked whether he has ever wished he had a daughter, Holness burst into laughter.
“I view my children as a blessing for me. I have two sons, and, I don’t know what it is to have a daughter. I have always wondered what that would be like,” he said. “I guess there is probably a difference between raising a daughter and raising a son, but when they are babies, there is no real difference. But who knows? Who knows?”
Holness spoke of the joys of being a dad, with his roles along the journey evolving from planning, anticipating, welcoming, loving and caring, to making school runs, counselling, calming, listening, advising and affirming. Never one to shy away from his own humble beginnings, he said his aim was always to give his boys what he never had.
“I grew up in very humble circumstances, where I was not exposed to many things, did not have many things, and, therefore, I made it a priority to ensure that my children did not necessarily suffer the same fate as I would have in growing up,” he said.
With both himself and Juliet being working professionals all their lives, Holness was once a stay-at-home dad.
“When my children were just born, I was still an opposition member of parliament. My wife was working. I took time off because my time was flexible, so I stayed home. So I did the drop-offs and the pick-ups, and just be with them. So between ages two and four, I was there,” he said. “But when we (the Jamaica Labour Party) won [the general election] in 2007 and I became a minister, things changed, and I wasn’t there as much – from ages six and four to about 12 and 14 years. But then I picked up back, and I am spending far more time with them now in their teenage years than in their early adolescent years.”
[Heading] Patience key to being a good dad
No amount of planning can prepare one for some realities of parenthood, Holness said.
The man who has executive and political leadership of the country’s business, and whose presence is respected when he enters a room, said sometimes he has to wait to be acknowledged by 15-year-old Matthew as the music entertaining him is so loud, he often does not hear him entering.
He would sometimes take the headphones and listen to his son’s choice of music, some of which he does not understand. But relying heavily on his learnt value systems, Holness said he has exposed them to the best of his life, but desires for them to be better.
“ ... As a parent, you are going to rely on the things you know, the things you like, and that is what you are going to expose your children to. And you are also going to want your children to be better than you, so you try to give them the things that you did not have,” he said. “But the truth is, my whole life experience would have made me what I am today, and I believe there is value in the way I grew up.”
The prime minister said providing a moral compass and building their mental toughness was critical to the men his sons will become. While acutely aware of the differing gratification of the current generation, he said it was important that they not get something just because they could.
“I have to ensure that they do understand that in the society, the world in which we live, there are persons who have nothing ... . They have to understand that they can’t be selfish or feel they are entitled. They must always have a sense of social justice, be kind, caring, and considerate of others,” said the prime minister.
He was clear that having children does not make one a father, and believes that patience was the greatest asset to being a reasonable patient.
Parenting, he further said, is not always about preventing children from making mistakes, but explaining the consequences of such mistakes.
“From both of us, myself and Juliet, there is a heavy sense of discipline. Not a heavy-handed decision because I don’t believe in corporal punishment. It was more reasoning,” he said.
No different from other teenagers of their age, he said Matthew and Adam are both very tech-savvy and love video games. Both have taken reasoning – making their case and standing their ground – to new levels in defence of their requests.
His older son is currently focused on exams.
“I spend a lot of time now with my younger and especially [with] exercise. We do a little exercise together, sometimes we run together, and then I try to understand my older son, what he is doing. He is fascinated with computers and artificial intelligence, so I try to understand the things that they like,” he said.
Holness recalls enjoyable memories with his dad and other siblings over many summers in Goshen, St Elizabeth. They reasoned regularly about many topics, including politics, and he believes those enjoyable summers led him into representational politics.
“I am in touch with my father regularly ... . My father is a very spiritual man. My family is a very God-fearing family. He will call me, and what he doesn’t like, he will let me know, and what he is in agreement with, he will let me know. At the end of every conversation, ‘If it’s God’s will’, ‘Make sure you pray to God’,” Holness told The Sunday Gleaner.