Doctor's Advice | I don't like oral sex!

Q I am a 20-year-old female. Doc, could you give me some fatherly advice about oral sex?

The last three boys who I have been out with have more or less demanded this at the end of the evening, but I do not like it!

Is there something wrong with me? Am I abnormal? Somebody told me that women who do not want oral sex are lesbians! Is that true?

In particular, I do not like the taste of seminal fluid. I have seen porn films in which girls seemed to gobble it down. One guy gave me a 'blue' story to read, in which the heroine thought it tasted wonderful, but I think it is rather revolting, Doc!

So what is wrong with me?

A Nothing is wrong with you. Ignore this silly nonsense about 'if you don't like it, you must be a lesbian'. It is just foolishness.

Let us take a serious look at this question of oral sex. Until about a generation ago, it was relatively uncommon in Jamaica. Now, many young men are real keen to persuade women to do it to them. This change must, to some extent, be due to the influence of 'blue movies'. Recently, a researcher who looked at American porn on the Internet found that around 50 per cent of the storylines involved young women giving guys fellatio, which is oral sex administered by the woman to the man.

Additionally, there is the influence of written pornography - though I don't think that this is as widely used as it was before the arrival of the Internet. Written porn in books is largely the work of males, some of whom don't seem to know very much about sex. Again and again, these stories suggest that women should love the taste of semen. In real life, though, this is not true!

In reality, 'man-fluid' is salty, rather gloopy, sticky stuff, much like the white of an under-done egg. I understand that it doesn't taste particularly nice. It makes some young women feel sick.

Of course, a couple can engage in fellatio without going as far as making the guy climax. That is acceptable to quite a lot of females, but not to all of them. Some say frankly that they dislike it and that they much prefer regular sex. It does, however, have one big advantage - you cannot get pregnant that way.

Now, in your case, it seems to me that you have been letting guys take advantage of you. When you go out with a man on a date, you do NOT have to give him oral sex or any kind of sex.

If you don't like the idea, just tell him no.

No woman (or man) should be pressured into any kind of sex that she doesn't like. Always remember that you are the boss of your own body!

Q I am engaged to a beautiful girl who is the same age as me, 21. But, Doc, I would like you to comment on something she is asking me.

She won't have sex unless I have first washed my hands. I don't mind this, but it does seem a little bit unnecessary. What do you think?

A Well, the fact is that some guys do make the mistake of approaching the female genitals with hands that aren't too clean. I have known of men who worked in the motor business or in construction, and who came home and started to 'fool around' with their partners despite the fact that their fingers still had grease or dirt on them.

Obviously, that kind of lack of hygiene can get germs into a woman's vagina. Also, there is considerable evidence that if a guy does a 'dirty' manual job, his partner is more likely to get cervical cancer.

I don't think you have to 'scrub up' (like a surgeon) before you have sex, but it would be reasonable to agree to your fiancee's request and make sure your hands are clean before touching her intimately.

Q My menstrual cycle has been somewhat unusual for a year now. It's anywhere from 22 to 33 days.

This month, just after the menses ended, my partner discharged inside me, so I took the emergency contraceptive. Fortunately, my period started about five days later, but it was lighter than usual.

Please tell me what could be the cause of this?

A The first period, after taking an after-sex Pill, is often a little unusual, so I don't think you have any reason to fret.

However, I am not at all happy about the fact that you seem to be having unprotected sex with your guy, especially as your cycle is so irregular. My guess is that you have some sort of hormone problem. I feel that it is vital that you see a doctor right away, have some tests, and get this sorted out.

She could also give you some adequate contraception. In the meantime, don't take any chances.

Q Doc, a girl in Kingston gave me a hand job this week. Is there any chance that this could have given me a venereal disease?

A It is nearly impossible for 'manual' sex to give a guy a sexually transmitted infection.

Q My boyfriend says that it would be OK for him to have sex with me because his doctor has told him that he is sterile.

Can I believe him?

A I think it is wildly unlikely that the doctor has really told this young man that he is sterile. Frankly, I can't think of any reason why a medic would have done this extensive and expensive test, which would be needed in order to prove that a male teenager is infertile.

I suppose that it is just possible that the doctor did those tests because your boyfriend had failed to reach puberty or, maybe, he had some serious disease of his testicles. But neither scenario seems very likely.

Honestly, I think your boyfriend is kidding you. Pay him no mind.

Q Doc, I am a guy of 17, and something awful happened to me at a dance last Saturday. I was there with my 'on and off' girlfriend. We were dancing close together to a real old-fashioned, 'smoochy' number.

Well, she was wearing a low-cut neckline and, as result, I got very excited. I don't know how this happened, but all of a sudden, I orgasmed! I was so embarrassed. But there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Within a few seconds, there was quite a large wet stain on the front of my pants. Several persons noticed it and so did my girl.

What should I do, Doc? Was this premature ejaculation?

A Well, the term premature ejaculation is generally used to describe climaxing which occurs too early during sex. That was not the case here.

It seems like (as is the case with many male teenagers) you are just a little too explosively triggered. This will get better as you grow older. But for the moment, you should simply avoid activities which cause friction on your penis. Steer clear of tight pants!

If you get an erection while dancing, the only sensible thing to do is to stop immediately. Good luck.

- Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com, and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.