God set me free, testifies Tavar Matthews

Just over a year ago, Tavar Matthews was struggling with depression caused by a relationship that ended badly.

His then girlfriend had broken up with him and his world crumbled with her departure.

"[I was faced with] the feeling of resentment, being treated like an outcast, denial, and bargaining. I used to cry day and night. I cried on the bus; I cried walking; I cried riding; I cried working; I cried sleeping; I cried eating; I cried thinking. as Jamaicans would say, I BAWL!" he exclaimed, adding that he wasn't perfect in the relationship, but he was willing to work on his flaws.

Matthews said he remembers calling her phone so many times and being hurt all over again each time he reached her voice mail.

So severe was the pain that he ended up losing his job.

"I was not focused. I remember a few of the days while I was in the kitchen preparing the food of customers, tears would just flow from my eyes uncontrollably. It was so severe I reached the point of attempting suicide. That day in particular, I had a nervous breakdown, and an ambulance came and took me to the hospital," he said, adding that by then, he had lost respect for females.

Constant support and encouragement came from his family, but it wasn't long after that the depression was triggered again.

Matthews told Family & Religion that he had to go through several therapy sessions and that events that he normally found entertaining just weren't so anymore.

"I would be preaching at church but was depressed, visiting churches depressed and leaving depressed, hanging with friends but depressed, and so on.

"I started looking for love in the wrong places and soon realised that only God could help me," he said.

So he decided it was time to stop crying.

"I started communicating back with God about my situation, and after going through therapy, I started practising loving myself all over again and even more. I also started reading a book by Myles Monroe called Single, Married, Divorced, and Life after Marriage," he said, adding that he even began dating himself.

According to Matthews: "God started setting me free as I really started to trust Him with my life and Him taking me out of this situation. Many persons thought I became 'hype' because I withdrew myself, not knowing I was tearing up inside. I have since been performing better in school, started preaching with a clearer mind, and got my smile back."

Matthews revealed that he also went on to start his own business, a clothing line called TAV (Transformed and 'Visional'), which speaks to living a meaningful life and utilising each opportunity to enhance self.

"It was established as a result of me not having self-love and self-confidence. The essence of this clothing line is to help people to start believing in themselves and valuing themselves more," he said.

The 25-year-old overcomer hopes to use his business to build the esteem of others with prints such as'Forever King', 'Forever Queen', and 'My Saviour is tougher than nail Rev 1:18'.

familyandreligion @gleanerjm.com