Forgiveness – How do I forgive others?

One of the most disliked words among Christians and non-Christians may actually surprise you. Some may even call it a curse word! But it is actually a blessing for this life and the life to come. That word is forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the basis of all relationships - relationships with God, with yourself and with others. These relationships can only be as successful as our willingness to ask for, extend and accept forgiveness.

However, for many of us, the ability to forgive is one of the most troublesome areas in life. The idea of letting go of the anger, malice and guilt seems impossible, especially when the person who wronged us isn’t repentant or ‘worthy of forgiveness.’ Proverbs 18:19 NIV states that, “An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city...”

This way of life just leaves us in a worse bind than before and causes us to struggle in a defeated Christian life because of unforgiveness. The only way to get rid of the burden of that recurring pain is forgiveness. As Louis B. Smedes said, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

Jesus Christ wants us to be free, too; and this is why He taught the principle of forgiveness while on earth. In Matthew 18:21, Peter asks “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?” Jesus answers, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.” Jesus isn’t suggesting that we count the number of times we forgive someone; He is instead conveying that we are to have a forgiving heart and release people quickly and freely.

So how do we receive that freedom? Forgiveness is not always easy, but the Bible lays out a process we can walk through to find freedom in forgiving others.

1. Understand what forgiveness really means

Forgiving others is not justifying the actions of someone who hurts you; it isn’t denying that you have been hurt and it certainly isn’t trusting the passage of time as we are wrongly taught in the myth ‘time heals all wounds’. Forgiveness is obedience to the Word of God. Mark 11:25 NIV says, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” This obedience is non-negotiable if we want to live as Christians and receive the forgiveness of God. Additionally, forgiveness opens the door for blessings in our life as we trust the character of God to work all things together for our good.

2. Release the person entirely.

By releasing, we let go of the bitterness or resentment and give up the rights to repayment. When someone harms us, we think that they are now in debt to us because of what they have done. But when we forgive, we cancel the debt and that person no longer owes us anything.

We must also give up the right to revenge. God says He’ll take care of that. In Romans 12:17 and 19 NLT, it says “Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honourable … Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. ...“I will take revenge…” says the Lord.

Forgiveness is not an emotion; it is a choice. And when you make that choice, tremendous freedom is yours.