Poem

No pussy in Parliament

Did I hear what I thought I just heard?

Did the Member from Clarendon

Just use the “P” word?

Did the Member say “pussy”

In this the highest Court in the land?

Did the word just slip out

Or was it something planned?

Don’t draw mi tongue, Member

Pussy is not a respectable word

You know better

You are being quite absurd

Don’t tek me for a semiliterate

Member, don’t take me for no fool

Mi graduate from Westwood, UWI Cave Hill

And Norman Manley Law School

Member, you are correct

The context of pussy must be clear

But let me remind you, Member,

This is not a stage show

And you is not Grub Cooper

Or Lloyd Lovindeer

Member, look at the innocent children

In the gallery!

When you say pussy

What will they think?

Say what? Is yu daughter tell you

About Puss in Boots

And that she always singing

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat, where have you been?

I’ve been to London to see the Queen

Member, Member, that’s why

We have to get rid of the British Monarchy

And leave behind

The colonial slackness and debauchery

Member, a don’t care a damn

If they have Pussy Lake in Canada

Pussy Creek in New Zealand

Pussy Riot performers in Moscow

Or a whole blasted town

Named Pussy in France

Pussy is not a word

Or a thing for public display

In Jamaica Land We Love

Anyway, Order! Order! (banging the gavel)

This discussion going on too long

Please stop the noise

Mind oonu wake up Dr Chang

Like a baby, look how him a sleep in peace

A dream how him going spend

Him BIG salary increase

Let me make my ruling

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Given that this word pussy

Is so indecent ...

Rising on a point of order, Member?

Let me hear you

Member, Member, I did not say, Hairy! Hairy!

I said, Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Pupa Jesaz, dem MP yah head well tuff

Dem mek mi lickle Speaker wuk so ruff

Anyway, the ruling (banging the gavel):

Given that the word pussy is unchristian, unbecoming and unparliamentary, I, the Speaker, will now rule that:

1. The word pussy is prohibited from being spoken in all chambers of this honourable House.

2. The word pussy shall not be written, drawn or in any other way communicated, or used as a noun, an adjective or any other part of speech in any communication from this House.

3. The word pussy shall not be modified by putting anything before it, behind it, underneath it, on top of it, or even into it.

And so Member Cousins, that argument done!

No PUSSY in my parliament in Kingston

For me a the Speaker, me set the rule

No dibby-dibby MP can’t tek me fi fool.

Conliffe Wilmot-Simpson

Recited at Calabash Literary Festival 2023