The content of your character

Four years ago, I had quite an interesting discussion – on the subject of dating – with a black woman who I knew very well. She shared with me that she would rather date a one-eyed, one-tooth, one-legged white man than a black man who had both eyes, a full set of teeth, and both legs. She reasoned that despite the white man’s challenges, she stood a better chance of getting further in life with him. She meant this in jest (I could only hope).

Four years onward and she is still searching for this elusive white knight in shining armour. I believe she will eventually find him. However, in my opinion, it would be challenging for her since her choice of exclusiveness was too restricted and her reasoning a bit flawed (perhaps bizarre) – if it’s any of my damn business.

To sidetrack to a somewhat relevant reflection, during my childhood in the ‘70, I was infatuated, dreaming of one day courting Cindy from the Brady Bunch. Oh ... that blond hair, blue eyes white girl. One day, I closed my eyes while prancing around the house, pretending that Cindy and I were strolling down the aisle in holy matrimony. I slammed my face into a concrete wall and almost knocked all my front teeth out. That ended that infatuation.

STRUGGLE WITH IDENTITY

Television in the ’70s, and to an extent the ’80s – played a major role in racial idealism.

The socio-economic disparity was so visibly polarised back then that many blacks yearned to act, speak, dress, and evolve into the wealthy Caucasian lifestyle that they consumed on a daily basis.

To this day, some blacks still struggle with their racial identity and remorse that the melanin in their skin cursed them with a darker shade they perceive as unacceptable to society and a hindrance to success.

We convince ourselves into thinking that the lighter our skin shade, the more attractive we will be in the eyes of our beholder.

Black men and women are now taking the extreme steps of bleaching not just their faces, but their entire bodies to achieve the lighter shade they hope would give them that second glance and added advantage in pursuing the attention of a suitor, their peers, their fans, or a prospective employer – not taking into consideration any other factors that are far more important in the decision-making process.

ROLE MODELS

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character.” – The Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.

We welcome transforming and uplifting shows, strengthened with black family values, like The Cosby Show, A Different World, Family Matters, and Blackish. They elevated the self-esteem of impressionable black minds that they, too, could parallel the high education and social standards of their white peers without compromising their racial identity. We beamed with pride at the tremendous achievements (on and off the screen) of Denzel Washington, Blair Underwood, Angela Bassett, and Oprah Winfrey, to name a few – all dark-skinned role models. Not to mention the endless list of inventors, athletes, politicians, educators, and philanthropists. Their achievements in their respective fields are complemented by their strong character.

WHAT IS CHARACTER?

Character is the trait that defines a person’s moral strength and core ethical values of honesty and integrity. It includes what they believe in and, most important, how they behave.

Character should not be confused with personality. Character is generally used to determine whether someone is good or bad. For example, a violent individual can have a bad character but have a lively and outgoing personality.

Building a strong character begins by first accepting your race or ethnicity. Acceptance stimulates knowledge; knowledge develops appreciation; appreciation builds self-confidence and self-worth.

Despite your perceived external flaws, it is your strong moral and ethical values and, indeed, your self-worth that are complementary to your outer features and should ultimately capture the admiration of a like-minded observer.

Every individual has his or her right to choose their affiliation,whatever their romantic, professional, or social preference. If the decision is your comfort zone, then qualify it, not to others, but to yourself.

However, make sure that your decision was made without compromising who you are. The moral and ethical standards that you set today will be passed on to impressionable minds.

CHILDREN LIVE WHAT THEY LEARN

Children of all ages, races, and backgrounds recognise the power of role models in their lives often imitating what they observe – the dress, the walk, the talk, the styling of the hair. The influence on today’s children can be seen everywhere. Beyond the messages of style, behaviour, and appearance, children are also receiving very subtle formative messages about their values, their families, and their race. It is important that role models be judged by their behaviour not their appearance.

Racial identity should not be compromised in any form for the benefit of fame, wealth, or acceptance. Our generation before us fought and died in the struggle to defend and preserve our right to exist, grow, and prosper.

We owe it to them, to ourselves, and to our offspring to build and impart a strong racial identity and an uncompromising content of character that fosters respect, admiration, and increases the likelihood for us as individuals and collectively to attain self-actualisation.

Choose the right things for the right reasons.

Karl Salmon is a former Jamaican foreign service officer living in Canada.