2023 Year in Review ‘a Netflix horror movie’ Abrahams predicts at Comedy Cook-Up

Dr Michael Abrhams predicts that the 2023 Year in Review will be like “one big, dutty, Netflix horror movie”.

The gynaecologist, who is also a popular columnist and has a side hustle as a stand-up comic, was on stage at Comedy Cook-Up at The Pegasus hotel in New Kingston on Boxing Day. And the full house inside the ballroom roared with laughter as they endorsed his comments.

Abrahams was among a group of the finest comedians who closed out 2023 with guffaws, at the Comedy Cook-Up. On the line-up were conceptualisers Ity and Fancy Cat; Johnny Daley, Dufton Shepherd, Blakka Ellis, Kathy Grant, Pretty Boy Floyd, Leighton Smith, Rosah Rose, as well as gospel singer Kevin Downswell. Emcee for the evening was Ity Ellis, who reeled off his jokes in-between introducing the acts.

Full of wit and seemingly fully bad, Abrahams’ punches were wide-ranging and stinging. Adhering — as he usually does - to the dictum of writing truth and then turning it into funny — Abrahams was happy for a number of things personally in 2023: he didn’t have any money in SSL, he doesn’t “do security fi Berrylium”, and “[him] never nyam a Crab Circle”.

He gave the infamous Alice,”the most popular vendor at Crab Circle”, who starred in a viral video which exposed a horrifying breach of hygiene standards at the popular spot, a little of his time. He attrributed her popularity to her “secret sauce” and lashed out at her “nastiness and dry-eyedness”.

“Alice shame tree dry up ... it can be compared to the Government crime plan...it does not exist. Only the people who eat Alice crab shame. Crab are scavengers ... bottom feeders... just like the people who eat Alice crab,” Abrahams said, as the ballroom rocked with laughter.

Jamaica, he said, has become so violent that even hurricanes get travel advisory, yet tourism is booming. “Why? White people love to faas wid tings that can seriously hurt dem,” he said.

He turned to politics. “Jamaican politics is entertaining ...dem just skettel it out... dem nuh need nuh microphone. Our politicians are a combination of Pinocchio, Anansi and 3- Card Man on steroids. Those guys scare me,” he declared, to much laughter.

Comedian Fancy Cat was a whole mood. He managed to pull off being a dancer, selector, singer and comedian in less than half an hour. His set started in the dance during an era when songs such as Let’s Get it on, Reasons and Love me Please were the big tunes and men and women danced with each other. “Pull up! Big people ting,” Fancy Cat said.

His discussions included sharing the type of girls he prefers; and still on the topic of women, he concluded that “woman cheat betta than man” and gave a side-splitting role- play as proof.

He chastised the “dog dem who migrate and don’t even send back a picture”, and shared that one of the bizarre things about COVID is that it had him performing at funerals, which now seems to be a part of his normal engagements.

And speaking of funerals, the only female on the bill, Kathy Grant, noted that the first time she attended a funeral in Kingston, she was sure that Massa God was going “to mek thunda roll and bruk dem neck”, simply because it was so irreverent.

At the funeral, the selector hailed up “all a di woman dem whoofa man dead long time”.

“Town people nuh ‘fraid a God?” she quizzed.

Grant said that she had a few things to get off her chest, one of which was a security guard at the hotel giving her parking space to the Mitchells.

“I tell the security that I am a performer and I neededsomewhere to park and him seh okay. But Wayne and Tami was in dem big vehicle in front a mi, and mi nuh know what Tami seh to him, him give dem my space,” Grant said, pointing out to Wayne that he shouldn’t think that it was him why the couple got special treatment. A surprised Tami and Wayne laughed.

A teacher by profession, Grant lamented the situation in schools which sees students “come with dearest shoes and bag, but no book and no brains”. She begged those with means to “spice we up for Teachers’ Day”, even bringing a Range and parking it at school for a teacher. However, with Korltv.net just releasing her her first stand-up show, Grant will perhaps soon be able to gleefully buy her own Range.

At 8:43 p.m., Ity introduced “the inimitable Owen ‘Blakka’ Ellis ... big up family” and when his family exited stage, he stated, “Great job mi breda, yuh a di maestro”. Blakka did indeed give a great set.

The pastor, who “smoked weed for 47 years and then found Jesus”, shared a bit about himself. He didn’t find out that Ity was his brother until Ity passed Common Entrance; people often ask him if he is Ity’s father; he has been “married for 40-odd years and can’t mek [his] wife laugh”; he was told by Trevor Rhone he couldn’t be an actor because of his speech impediment; he is 60-plus, but likes things backways.

Blakka had one simple question for the audience, “Right or left?” He closed his set with an exhortation to “be true to yourself... find your talent ... will it be left or right?”

In the audience were Alaine Laughton and her parents, Courtney and Myrna, who got a rousing applause when Alaine told the emcee that they have been together for 49 years.

yasmine.peru@gleanerjm.com