Marks for love

A Portmore, St Catherine, pair is advising couples in committed relationships to ensure that they maintain the same spark and spontaneity from when they first met throughout the relationship in order to foster stronger and more lasting unions.

Howard and Natalee Marks, who will mark their 23rd wedding anniversary on Saturday, celebrated Valentine’s Day at Emancipation Park in St Andrew, where Natalee surprised her husband with a romantic picnic.

Among other things, the two enjoyed having wine, playing cards, and snacking on treats from their charcuterie board.

The couple, who had taken a break from their romantic celebrations to speak with The Gleaner, noted the importance of continuing to “date” your spouse.

“All couples, married or not married, once you’re in a relationship with that one person, ensure you find time to spend with each other ... find the date night and just go out and spend time with each other. Rekindle the first time you saw me ... bring back the enthusiasm of when you wanted me and I wanted you because when we get lost in our everyday ... if you don’t put the work in, your marriage a go just deteriorate and ya go wonder what happened,” she reasoned.

Howard shared that “being in a relationship is like having a child ... you have to nurture it and it will grow.”

Despite the comical poster displayed among their picnic set-up, which read, “Howie, will you be my Valentine? Oh wait! We are already married,” according to Natalee, a marriage would surely start to fade and fall apart over time if neither person made an effort to make the other feel loved, respected, and appreciated.

While Valentine’s Day is not an official holiday in Jamaica, it coincided this year with Ash Wednesday, which is a national holiday. With that, the two smiled brightly, relishing the opportunity to spend the entire day with each other and away from the hustle and bustle of life.

The couple made sure to establish a no-phone rule and to put all of their worries – including bills, the kids, and the condition of the house – behind them.

“It was surprising. Actually, I loved it,” Howard said of his wife’s gift.

“For me, this is different from the regular going out, have dinner. So it makes me feel like we just got married or we just start dating ... and just focusing on us,” he said.

STILL WANTED

Natalee explained that asking your partner to be your Valentine makes them recognise that they are still wanted.

“You don’t assume that because me and you married [then] him or she want me to be [your] Valentine’s ... a lot of people figure that because you’re in the relationship, you nah fi [ask] ... but the unexpected [popping of the question] just throw some likkle romance in it,” she explained.

The two initially met at Natalee’s mother’s house, where Howard was working as an electrician and where Natalee was living at the time.

Natalee recalled that the moment Howard made her heart melt was when she was seriously ill and she was at home alone. On noticing her illness, Howard, who was also at the house performing electrical work, bought her food and medication and made sure she took them both. She continued that to treat her fever, he had also purchased rubbing alcohol, which he used to wash her body.

“Him rub me down with the alcohol, this stranger inna me mother house ... and you know him coulda do other things, but no, he rub me down and get me medicine and tell me ‘You haffi eat fi get better’, and when I got better, we went out,” she explained.

As it was in his nature to help people, Howard said he had no ill intent but that it was simply a moment of “giving a helping hand to a young lady”.

He admitted, however, that he had already been enamoured with her bold personality.

One year later, the two got married.

UPS AND DOWNS

When they reflect on their marriage journey and what it has been like, Natalee explained that it has had its “ups and downs”.

“But as I always tell persons, same as how you would want to stay in a job, you work on your marriage to keep it,” she added.

She continued that with every obstacle that they have had to overcome, it has resulted in a strengthened relationship and that it has brought them closer together than before.

The couple has two sons, a 21-year-old and a 10-year-old.

“We pray together because they say the family that prays together, stays together ... so we just keep the faith and try to hold on and try to make it work,” she said.

Howard added that putting a lot of work into a marriage is essential because it is not a simple journey in life, and it is filled with the need to make numerous compromises.

“As you grow, each other personality change and then you have to revamp and come and get used to that change and say “Okay, it nah go end’ [but] sometime the new changes make you feel like you wah go through the door, but then you say ‘No, no, no. Let’s see how best we can work it out and get back to each other’,” Natalee said.

She said she was a believer in the 50-50 approach, where the two are viewed as equals and should each put as much effort into the relationship as the other partner.

“My prince charm come and ma prince charm will work for me and will fight for me, but me also have to work for him to keep him,” she said.

She encouraged wives, as well as women in relationships, to express their love for their partners in a variety of ways and to not be afraid to do so.

asha.wilks@gleanerjm.com