Pregnancy and enforced marriages

 

"Facing right and wrong

While waiting for life

Can't change this destiny

The curtain's close by."

- Canvas of Life

- Epica

She has been very active and involved in the church youth group. She has a dynamic personality, and others are drawn to her zeal in the Lord and attitude to service ... but then the shocker - she got pregnant and is not married!

In trying to do 'damage control', marriage is then forced on the offending parties, resulting in two unhappy people as they realise they just weren't ready for that move.

Unfortunately, the above scenario is all too real in many churches as parents and pastors sometimes, in trying to take charge of these situations, strongly insist on marriage rather than having an unmarried, pregnant mother in the church.

Family and Religion reached out to Valrie Campbell James of the Savannah Cross Church of God of Prophecy on the issue, and she hit out strongly against the practice.

For her, there should be only one reason for marriage, and that is falling deeply in love with somebody who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

According to James, just because a Christian was 'fooling around' and got pregnant in the process doesn't necessarily mean that they have found the right person for them.

"When you are young, you have strong emotions, and it is easy to think it is love when it is really infatuation," she pointed out.

James said it makes no sense trying to cover the fact that they committed fornication by enforcing marriage on them.

"It would be better if they were encouraged to confess their sins, admit that they fell along the way, and then [we] counsel them so that they can deal with the repercussions of their actions," she said.

Enforced marriages, stressed James, can bring a whole new set of problems in a relationship, worsened by a child being born into a home with all sorts of conflicts.

In her opinion, it would be compounding one mistake with another.

"Face it, the only reason the 'hurry-come-up marriage' is taking place is to cover the fact that they were fornicating. Marriage or not, both parties will have to confess their sins to God, be forgiven, and move on," she said.

Stressing that the institution of marriage should be regarded as sacred and is not one to be entered into lightly and on a whim, James encouraged pastors to be more careful in how they encourage couples to get married.

 

ADDRESSING THE REAL ISSUE

 

According to her, as a pastor, she has had to deal with situations where couples who weren't even forced got married because a child was on the way.

"They then discover that there wasn't anything else keeping the union except the child. They are miserable and guilty at the same time," she shared.

James said it is time that pastors address the real issue behind cover-up marriages. And that issue, she pointed out, is Christians and others who make these persons feel ashamed as if they have committed the worst sin.

"Their sin is no different than lying, cheating, gossiping ... you name it," she said.

 

EMBRACING THE FALLEN

 

James added: "The Church needs to get back to a culture of loving and caring, embracing our fallen brothers and sisters and encouraging them to brush off and get right back on the journey."

She said there are many hurting Christians in Church, and it is all due to gossiping and mean-spiritedness when a member of the fold has committed an indiscretion.

On the bright side of speedy marriages, James said that if the couple had already committed to each other and had plans of being together, then fast-tracking the wedding plans is not a problem. They should still, however, acknowledge that they have sinned and ask forgiveness, said James.

James added that to avoid falling into that trap, dating Christians should avoid situations that will create opportunities for them to get intimate. She advised dating in groups and using the courting period to find out as much about each other as possible, not allowing sexual desires to take control.

The Church, she opined, should do more to help those who err by doing more praying and less criticising.

familyandreligion@gleanerjm.com