Romane Elliston | BACK2LIFE – Going strong in ‘Mentoring Month’

When I was younger I would watch my mother, how she endured, made difficult decisions and sacrifices, and I wondered how she did it. I thought that adulthood meant that one would be able to do anything, and know everything, what to do, when to do, and how to do, you know, to fully understand the secrets of life. Simply put, I thought that the problems and insecurities which I experienced as a child would have been solved by my growing up.

As a child, I was weak, shy, lacking in courage, afraid of bugs, insects, the dark, you name it. But as I grew, I had to learn to stay positive when my mother retired from being a superhero. I worked hard to make my family proud.

I did well in school, and worked multiple jobs, so that my parents would only need to work one job, and hopefully none, one day. And I stayed focused when distractions were around me. But it never occurred to me that I, too, had become a superhero, like my mother, until I joined BACK2LIFE.

Before attending my first session, I was very self-conscious and a bit nervous. I was about to meet delinquent boys who I knew nothing about.

In my mind, they were a typical ‘John’ who grew up on the streets, knew how to fend for himself and a wild offender of the law, while I was ‘Mr Wellspoken’, articulate and unlearnt in gangsterism and street talk.

How could I possibly relate to these boys? The combination of adolescent rebellion against the standard and my polished behaviour seemed to make me most unfitting for such a situation. I was apprehensive, but I wanted to make a change.

BECOMING A SUPERHERO

I visited the project several times until eventually I was trained and became a mentor. I was surprised when some mentees expressed to me that they wanted me to be their mentor. When I asked why, they said that I seemed cool, confident, responsible, positive, and the list goes on.

But what stood out the most was one mentee who said that I was down to earth. In other words, I was transparent and practical.

However, it was not until I was eventually chosen by a mentee that I saw what I was missing all along. Michael* liked music, though his choice was not my genre at all. I would often ask his motivation for liking it and share my opinion of the song.

Every time we met, he would say, “I have a new song,” and the previously shy boy would sing without hesitation. He owned his craft. One day he said that he admired me. Apparently to Michael, I was confident, well-spoken and positive.

But above all, he said, I believed in him. I was moved by his words. And it was in that moment that I realised that like my mom I, too, had become a superhero.

I did not plan to be one, nor did I try. I just did what I knew how to, what I was trained to do, to be there, to be present, in the now, to listen.

In fact, this is the only expectation which I have, and that is to be actively present. After all, I’ve learnt that I cannot expect something of someone else. I can only expect what I can do. So, with Michael, it was the same. I did not expect anything of him, and of myself, my commitment was to be present. Similarly, Michael never asked for anything, he just made himself present at every session.

As time went by, he shared his fears and insecurities with me. I, too, still have my insecurities, my fears and my doubts, and even being the adult that I am, I still do not know the answers to the secrets of life. But guess what? When you have a mentee who looks up to you, you are faced with two options: be fearful and uncertain with him, or be brave, and in so doing, conquer your fears and doubts, and witness him conquer his fears and doubts. That is what I did.

* Name changed on request.

Romane Elliston is a trained teacher. He has been a mentor with BACK2LIFE for two years. Feedback: editorial@gleanerjm.com.

BACK2LIFE Foundation is a registered non-profit, non-affiliated charitable company which was formed to support the lives of men and boys. The entity does this through a number of means, including the mentoring of at-risk adolescent boys, the hosting of events to raise awareness, and the training and certification of mentors in the art and science of mentoring.

The foundation currently runs a mentoring project at the Rio Cobre Juvenile Centre in Tredegar Park, Spanish Town, St Catherine, where our mentors interface with approximately 25 boys in active learning and mentoring activities.

BACK2LIFE mentors undergo our internationally accredited mentor training course in order to introduce them to the art and science of conscious mentoring.

This month, BACK2LIFE is celebrating mentoring through the recognition of our mentors, as well as the sharing of the benefits of mentoring and the role it can play in the lives of the participants.

If you would like to learn more about BACK2LIFE or our certificate mentor training course, please contact us at back2lifefoundation@gmail.com or call us on 876-920-2173.

- Romane Elliston is a trained teacher. He has been a member with BACK2LIFE for two years. Feedback: editorial@gleanerjm.com