Dwight Fletcher | Building good friendships

We started 2021 by discussing the importance of friendships. This week, we will learn how to build healthy friendships.

1. EVALUATE

Who we spend time with affects who we become. “Don’t hang out with angry people; don’t keep company with hotheads. Bad temper is contagious – don’t get infected.” Proverbs 22:24-25. This says that toxic relationships make us toxic. Take inventory of your friendships, assess them, and categorise them as healthy or toxic. You can tell by the impact on your own well-being.

Friendship was designed by God to enhance our lives and to grow us up mentally and spiritually. So ask yourself, are they helping me become the person that God created me to be? In tough times, can I count on them? When I leave their presence, do I feel enriched and empowered? If the answer is yes, then cultivate those friendships.

Or are they actively tearing me down? When I spend time with them, do I feel worse about myself’? This is destructive, and we need to limit the friendship.

As we saw in Jesus’ life, a real friend provides emotional or physical support. We need help to face life’s tough circumstances beyond our control. We need emotional warmth and strength when we do not have enough of our own. Good friends are people who supply these things, and when we spend time with them, we feel energised or even just understood.

However, friendship is not a one-way street. We have to also be someone who will be a good friend and build others up. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” Luke 6:31. We have to be the type of person that others consider a positive friend. To have good friends we need to:

2. BE A GOOD FRIEND FIRST

Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly … .” The truth is that friendships aren’t all about us and our needs. We say “no one is befriending me”, but we must often take the initiative to be a good friend first. It is going to be tough to attract healthy, God-honouring friends when you aren’t a good friend yourself. Also, sometimes, other people are trying to be friendly, but we are not receptive.

a. HOW TO BE FRIENDLY

Be warm and open to others. Cultivate joy in your life so that you have reason to smile a lot. Everyone enjoys being around someone who reflects happiness. So approach your potential friends with body language that says ‘I care’ instead of being closed and unapproachable. Jesus was obviously easy to relate to as even strangers weren’t afraid to call out to Him.

b. TAKE THE INITIATIVE

If you see a possible friend, don’t wait for that person to make the first move. Look around you for people who are on the same path and are moving in the same direction as you. If you are asking God to send strong and encouraging friends, expect Him to answer. God created the perfect remedy for loneliness when He created the Church. God places the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6). Speak to persons that you are interested in being friends with in a non-aggressive, non-threatening manner. Join group studies or a ministry to find new friends.

c. BE PATIENT

Give friendship time to grow. Sometimes we scare away potential friends by sharing or expecting too much, too soon. Allow your friend time to get to know you, and give yourself time to know them before sharing the deeper things of your life. This will help your friendships grow in a healthy way.