Forgiveness unlocks God’s purpose

To err is human so it’s near impossible to not wrong others or be wronged by others. Forgiveness, then, is a necessary part of life if we are to develop healthy relationships.

We must recognise that God’s purpose in the process of forgiveness is realised when we obey His command to forgive others. We cannot recognise God’s grace toward us or His purpose in a bad experience until we first forgive the offending person. When we try to do it in reverse, it just leads to confusion. Some of us have asked God to show us His purpose for the pain or hurt, and only then are we willing to release the one who wronged us. The way it works is, we live by faith. God says that we must first release them and then He will release what He has for us.

We must take the action that we can take first, and it’s only after we release someone that we will then have the freedom to understand the purpose. While we hold a grudge, we separate ourselves from God and He can’t speak to us properly. When we release the offending person(s) we open the doors between us and God so He can teach us. He can then show us His purpose in the pain.

“God works all things together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NIV). This verse is very important on this point of understanding God’s purpose in the process. Not all things are good. The Bible never says that all things are good. The hurt that we experienced is not good. Things like sexual molestation, physical abuse and other painful experiences are not good. God understands that we live in this broken, sinful world and bad things happen. Call it what it is; it is bad – but release offenders and then God can miraculously bring good out of bad situations. God does this repeatedly and we experience His miracles in our lives. The life of Joseph in the book of Genesis shows us that. Joseph forgave His brothers and was able to see God’s salvation through his bad experiences caused by their hands.

When we release the person and are processing the purposes of God, the Bible says that the next step is to go and meet face-to-face. Jesus said: “If your brother sins against you, go, and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” (Matthew 18:15 NIV) The Bible prompts us to re-establish the relationship where possible.

This, however, isn’t always required. We may have heard that we must forgive, forget, and restore, but all these activities are different. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same.

There are times when you shouldn’t reconcile and when you should not re-establish the relationship. For example:

• Don’t re-establish the relationship if it is going to lead to further personal harm.

• Don’t re-establish the relationship when the other party is not at the emotional or mental place to receive the attempt.

• Don’t re-establish the relationship if it wasn’t broken. Sometimes we’re hurt but the other person wasn’t deliberate in hurting us, so don’t create a problem when there’s none.

• Don’t re-establish the relationship based on an expectation of how restoration should go. That is, don’t expect the person to fall on their knee and beg for forgiveness or grovel at your mercy.

Forgive in obedience to God and watch Him work it out miraculously for your good.