Create the environment for good discipline

A tree that has had many rough winds over time stands strong in a storm. Its roots go deep, and its limbs are accustomed to the harshness of the wind. Good discipline helps our children to stand in difficult times. The life of Esau in Genesis depicts what a lack of strength due to the lack of discipline can do to our children. Hebrews 12:16-17 (NIV) says: “Make sure that no one is immoral or godless like Esau, who traded his birth-right as the firstborn son for a single meal. 17 You know that afterward, when he wanted his father’s blessing, he was rejected. It was too late for repentance, even though he begged with bitter tears.”

Esau had little discipline. He scoffed at his blessing as the firstborn just for food. Discipline teaches us to be self-controlled, to choose wisely, and to make right decisions to handle hardships. We see the results of poor discipline in some of our children (can we reword this – refer to children generally) whose parents overcompensated for their own abusive upbringings. Many are wishy-washy, lack resilience, and can’t handle much pressure. They had parents who failed to discipline, teach, and train them. Children who, for example, are given the responsibility of chores and must learn to balance them with their schoolwork often learn how to balance life when they get older.

We should discipline as God disciplines. Everything God does is done in love. He cannot help it. He is love. Discipline, when done properly, is good and results in children who can control themselves. A loving parent imposes temporary discomfort on their children to spare them the long-term disaster of an undisciplined life. Proverbs 29:17 (NCV) says: “Correct your children, and you will be proud; they will give you satisfaction.” Discipline means to teach, instruct, guide, and inform.

Before we move even to discipline because of a wrong done, we have to create an atmosphere for discipline. First of all, children need attention, plain and simple. If we don’t keep their ‘attention basket’ full of positive attention, they will seek out any attention they can get, even negative attention. They will push our buttons with negative behaviour because to a child, even negative attention is a ‘deposit’ in their attention bucket.

This doesn’t mean we have to be at our children’s side all the time, but just taking a few minutes a day to spend one-on-one with our children, distraction-free, and doing something they want to do, will reap immense rewards in their behaviour. When we fill our children’s attention buckets positively and proactively, they will become more cooperative and less likely to seek out attention in negative ways.

Second, we need to help our children to make better choices by teaching them the correct behaviour or response to different situations. We must teach children right from wrong with calm words and actions and model the behaviours we want to see them display.

With the busyness that plagues families today, it can be difficult to be consistent in our daily schedules, but the reality is that children thrive when they have structure and know their boundaries. We, therefore, need to clearly communicate expectations in advance. That way, children will have the framework they need to work within and will be more likely to do so.

This doesn’t need hundreds of rules. Rather, we should focus on what’s most important for our individual families. Be clear about the ground rules and what happens when someone breaks them. Make sure that everyone understands the consequences ahead of time and create the environment for loving discipline.