Make it difficult for strife to survive

Hello mi neighbour! My newly met acquaintance seems to be enjoying the “sweetest marriage on earth”. Not that the marriage causes no hurt, mark you. She has even written a book on some best practices for an enjoyable marriage. Some day this book may just fall into your hand.

It is advised that if you would like to be happy in your marriage, you should not get married until you get some things straight. Get this: if you did not carry happiness in your marriage it may be absent for the duration of the relationship. But there is hope – happiness can be cultivated. Those who find the most patient, loving and understanding partners will soon find out that marriage is not a panacea for loneliness and sadness. What is brought to the table often determines the direction of the marriage.

Mi neighbour, I am remembering ‘Donna’. She was in her prime and wiggle room was decreasing rapidly: if not now, when? She wanted to be happily married. So when she met ‘Winston’, an old pal on whom she had a crush, from school days, she was happy to know that he was ‘free, single and disengaged’ after surviving three marriages which all ended in divorce. Despite his marital history, he was ‘Mr Right’ and the rest is history.

Two weeks after the honeymoon she ‘woke up’ with what did she just do? She was now married – dream has come true. She is now ‘Mrs Right’ with very little rights. Within three weeks she knew why his previous marriages ended in divorce and he could be headed for his fourth. “Oh noooo!! Why!! I thought he would make me happy!” Eh? Guess he thought you would’ve made him happy too. After those three divorces, he was ready for the long haul, but alas!

Men don’t like to be nagged and that was what she brought to the table. Women don’t like to be ignored and that was what he brought to the table. And where is the happiness they both expected from each other? No, mi neighbour, it doesn’t work that way. It is not automatic. That is realisable through hard work. Hands and hearts must come together to cultivate the happiness you both desire. Much of what will be required of you in the relationship is to ‘kiss and make up’. If unwilling to do this, you may kiss the marriage goodbye.

Mi neighbour, before you go, listen to this: arguments, big or small, drain happiness. So what do you do when an argument is brewing? Do what is called a mind switch. If you are about to say something that may hurt, contain it. Redirect! Focus on something loving, like a compliment.

Open your heart and allow good thoughts to flow in and out until the entire atmosphere is saturated with thoughts that make it difficult for strife to survive.

Seek divine assistance to change your mind’s direction. Stand your ground and push against bitterness. And turn what could have been a destructive argument into a loving connection. We have been given a free will to make good decisions. Use it to rise higher and higher!

Now, tomorrow is another day. If your spouse says something again to trigger a negative reaction, STOP! Instead of allowing your mind to go south, take charge! Change either the subject or how it is interpreted. Again, divine assistance is always available. Happy marriage!

I now invite you to help make someone from the list below a little happier!

KINDLY HELP SOMEONE FROM THE LIST BELOW

1. Sandra, St Ann, house was destroyed by fire – seeking help to build a bathroom. She is unemployed.

2. Phyllis, Hanover, unemployed – seeking assistance with board and zinc to build a little house.

To help, please call Silton Townsend @ 334-8165, 884-3866, or deposit in acct # 351 044 276 NCB. Alternatively, send donations to HELLO NEIGHBOUR c/o 53 Half-Way Tree Road, Kingston 10; Paypal/credit card: email: zicron22@yahoo.com. CONTACT EMAIL: helloneighbour@yahoo.com. Visit hellomineighbourja.blogspot.com. Mr Townsend exclusively manages the collections and distributions mentioned in this column and is neither an employee nor agent of The Gleaner.