HELLO MI NEIGHBOUR | We need one another

Hello, mi neighbour! After they publicly classified each other as a narcissist, they both slammed their car doors and drove off. Did you overhear them? Was that you? Have mercy on them, Lord! Are you a narcissist? Hope not. If you are displaying narcisstic tendencies, please cease and desist. A narcissist is someone who has an excessive interest in self-admiration and gratification. Narcissism will make you selfishly jeopardise the lives of others. Being insensitive to the feelings of others, narcissists are not affected by the effect their behaviour has on their neighbours! Sounds like anyone you know?

It is believed that narcissism is a condition that starts to affect human beings from childhood. And we don’t “grow it out”. Left unchecked, this thing could turn human beings into monsters. Doctors, lawyers, preachers, politicians, and beggars are not immune to this malady. It is more easily recognisable in others than in ourselves. Check yuhself.

As with many personality disorders, the exact cause of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), up until recently, was still unknown. It is said that it is probably a mixture of genes, early childhood experiences, and psychological factors. Early childhood risk factors include excessive praise or judgement by parents, trauma, or abuse. Sigmund Freud says a whole lot about narcissism. You may want to check it out if you so desire.

The symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder include

ü An inflated sense of self-importance.

ü Preoccupation with power, beauty, or success.

ü A special sense of entitlement.

ü Exploiting people without shame or guilt.

ü Monopolising conversations or meetings.

ü Lack of empathy.

ü A great need for admiration.

WHERE DO YOU STAND?

At the onset, a person with NPD may win your heart with affection and compliments, and then by sunset, may destroy the same heart with hostility and condemnation. Fail to meet their constant demand for compliments and validation, and they will gaslight before daylight.

And hey, narcissists are not necessarily bad people. They are just “blind”. As a matter of fact, when it comes to generosity, they could be the life of the party at times, but watch it! They have been conditioned to believe that they are special and deserve to be treated better than others. A word of caution to parents: children who are encouraged to believe that they are extraordinary and always better than the rest, could later display NPD tendencies.

If you are living with a partner who is diagnosed with NPD, for your own survival, you need to:

· Educate yourself about NPD

· Focus on your self-esteem and wellbeing

· Speak up for yourself

· Set clear personal boundaries

· Forgive on the spot

· Remain calm/in control

· Pray consistently for him/her

· Gently walk away if you must

· Never call this narcissist a ‘narcissist’ to the face

Another writer advises that the best way to disarm a narcissist is to keep your cool and not press the ‘argue’ button with them. When you lose your cool and end up fighting with a narcissist, they will pin you down as the bad person. Keep your cool, reduce contact, and don’t respond the way they want you to.”

Those of us who are inflicted with narcissism can find relief if we are willing to apply this treatment: work on building good relationships with others by recognising that we all have strengths and weaknesses. Our strengths are to help strengthen the weak, and our weaknesses are to remind us that we are mere mortals who will always need the support of others. This will help us to

· Tolerate criticism.

· Be less critical of others.

· Accept failure.

· Improve our ability to manage our feelings.

· Handle self-esteem issues.

· Set realistic goals.

· Accept responsibility for our actions.

· Listen more and talk less.

· Build closer, more rewarding, more enbjoyable, and lasting relationships.

Let me stop here to make an announcement: Narcissicm is nastiness. Let’s clean up our act, love our neighbours as ourselves, and save friends and families! Yuh hear? No man is an island … we need one another.

KINDLY HELP SOMEONE WITH AN ITEM FROM LIST BELOW

Stove, sewing machine, table, windows, doors, household and other items that neighbours may need.

To help, please call Silton Townsend @ 876 649-9636 or deposit in acct # 351 044 276 NCB. Alternatively, send donations to Hello Neighbour C/O 53 Half-Way Tree Road, Kingston 10; Paypal/credit card: email: zicron22@yahoo.com. Contact email: helloneighbour@yahoo.com. Visit hellomineighbourja.blogspot.com Townsend exclusively manages the collections and distributions mentioned in this column and is neither an employee nor agent of The Gleaner.