Dear Doc: My wife and her young lover
Published:Monday | April 25, 2016 | 12:00 AM
Q Doc, a pleasant day to you. I am a little concerned about my wife, who I think has taken a younger lover.
I am in my late 40s, and I am 15 years older than her. She is a very attractive woman, and I know that I was lucky to get her to choose me as her husband. I love her, and she says she still loves me. By the way, she is a very sexual woman, her doctor says she has 'a powerful libido.'
But in the last few years, I have been 'losing it' sexually. Doc, I have difficulty in getting an erection. And when I do get one, it is not easy to keep it.
As a result, my wife has become very frustrated. She tries to remain cool and relaxed about the situation, but to be frank, she is a woman who needs a lot of orgasms.
So, we talked things over, and we decided that it would be the best thing if she discreetly had a boyfriend. Our idea was that this would be a virile young man, and that she could see him occasionally for sex - and no one would know.
Well doc, I think that she has now found such a lover. He is a pleasant man around 20 or 21. I know that they have met, and although she has not spoken about it, I guess they have had sex.
Now, what I am asking you is this, can we keep our marriage going in this way for the rest of our lives, with her having regular sex elsewhere? Or would things eventually go wrong?
A Sorry to hear about all this. There certainly are a few marriages in which a husband who cannot 'perform' agrees to let his wife have sex with a younger man. That arrangement is particularly common in France, where the husband is referred to as a mari complaisant - or willing spouse.
I have seen a few such arrangements in which things worked out reasonably well. But there are considerable dangers associated with this 'three-way' arrangement. For instance:
• The husband may get very jealous of the boyfriend;
• The boyfriend may get jealous of the husband;
• The lover may fall in love with the wife;
• The wife may fall in love with the lover;
• There may be problems with the children, or with other relatives!
But we can just have you checked out for any medical issues.
I am guessing that you are only around 49, and a man that relatively young should not be having problems with his potency. Therefore, I urge you to go to your doctor and have a good check-up. He may well be able to find some reason for your erectile dysfunction (ED). Possible causes include:
• Diabetes
• Depression
• Anxiety/nerves
• Effects of medication
• Excessive use of alcohol, nicotine or other drugs.
So there may be some condition which can be put right! Also, there is probably no reason why the doctor could not prescribe one of the modern erection-inducing tablets, such as Viagra, Cialis or Levitra.
Therefore, your ED could cease to be a problem. And if that happened, I wonder if your wife would still require a young lover?
My new boyfriend is obsessed with my feet
Q I have been divorced for several years. I have now met a great guy (an American) who I think I could marry.
The only problem is he seems to be obsessed with my feet! Though he likes having sex with me in the regular way, there are times when he wants to pull out and climax over my toes. Why?
A This guy clearly has a foot fetish. You can look that up on the Internet if you like.
You will find that thousands of men (particularly in England and America) have this strange thing about women's feet. They think that toes and heels are incredibly sexy.
Why are they like that? Certain psychologists theorise that it has something to do with being a baby and having been caressed by the mothers' toes while lying on the floor. Be that as it may, the condition is very difficult to treat. And your new man may not want treatment, anyway.
So, I feel that you should carefully consider whether you want to spend your life with a man who is sexually addicted to your feet. Some women can cope with that, but many can't.
Do condoms completely protect against VD?
Q Doctor, I occasionally have a 'frolic' with the 'ladies of the night' in Kingston. So would you please tell me this. Would a condom provide me with complete protection against VD?
A No. Condoms do offer good protection against sexually transmitted infections, but occasionally they break.
Also, it is very important to remember to put the condom on before you have any sexual contact with these women. Some men make the disastrous mistake of having intercourse for a few seconds - and then putting on the condom. By that time, the germs will probably have entered your body.
Will I still enjoy sex after tying my tubes?
Q Doc, I am about to undergo female sterilisation. Will this prevent me from ever enjoying sex again?
A No, not at all. You will have to avoid intercourse for a few weeks after taking the operation, but then you can continue as before. For further advice, ask the surgeon who does the operation.
Can my 56-year-old girlfriend get pregnant?
Q I am a 28-year-old man, and I am having a very exciting sexual relationship with a 56-year-old woman.
Can this harm her? Is there a risk that I could get her pregnant?
A No, it will not harm her at all. As it relates to pregnancy, I presume her menses have stopped some time ago, and if that is so, then the chances that you could get her pregnant are very low.
What is pelvic inflammatory disease?
Q My husband and I have been trying to conceive for two years. Apparently, the problem is that I have something called pelvic inflammatory disease. What is that?
A doctor suggested to us that I have it because I slept around when I was in my teens. Is that possible?
A: Pelvic inflammatory disease, or PID, is real very common. It is a serious infection in the lower part of the belly, caused from germs finding their way up through the vagina and the womb. The germs breed inside the body, and the resulting inflammation can cause severe pain and blocked tubes.
Yes, these germs can get into the pelvis through sleeping around. But they can enter in other ways - for instance, as a result of a post-operation infection.
What I think you should do now is to try and get yourself into the care of a gynaecologist. She will be able to give you treatments (like antibiotics) which should help. Good luck.
How do you pronounce clitoris?
Q To settle an argument between us guys, how do you actually pronounce the word 'clitoris,' doc?
A: With the stress on the first syllable, like this: 'CLIT - or - iss.'
However, what matters is not how you pronounce it - but what you do with it.