My wife's secret vibrator
Published:Monday | May 2, 2016 | 12:00 AM
Q: Good day, Doc. I have been horrified by something I found in my wife's bedside drawer. We have been happily married for 12 years, and I thought she was pretty satisfied with our sex life. We have sex about once per week, and I know that she often orgasms.
But last week when she was out, I was looking for something in the bedroom and opened the top drawer in the little cabinet on her side of the bed. To my astonishment, I found an electrical thing there.
To begin with, I did not know what it was. It looked a like an electric razor or something. Then I pressed the button on the side and it began to buzz. For a few seconds I couldn't stop it!
Finally, I realised that it was a vibrator - a sex vibrator. I have heard that some women use them on themselves.
Well, Doc, I was horrified! I could not understand why she has such a thing. In a way, I was quite jealous of it. I felt like taking it outside and throwing it away.
Fortunately, I calmed down and put it back. I have not spoken to her about it yet, but everything has been rather cold between us these last few days, and I have not attempted to have sex with her.
So I would like to ask you kindly, Doc:
1. Why would a normal, healthy 32-year-old woman want such a thing?
2. Where would she have got it?
3. Do you think that some secret boyfriend could have given it to her?
I am distressed by this discovery. Please help me, Doc.
A: Well, I think you should try and be cool about what you have found. This discovery is not so dreadful.
Maybe you don't realise it, but these days, a large number of women do sometimes use vibrators. According to the last estimate which I have seen, global sales of these devices are approaching 400 million per year. Some marketing experts have claimed that in a few years, these sex toys will outsell smartphones.
So your wife is certainly not unusual. What is rather unusual is the fact that she hasn't spoken to you about her purchase. Maybe the communication in your marriage isn't as great as it could be.
Now, let me answer your three questions:
1. Why would your wife want a vibrator? For pleasure, of course. Many highly sexed women like the idea of achieving a little extra bedroom pleasure. Also, vibrators (with their very fast buzzing) are extremely good at producing orgasms in women. These little devices can move far quicker than any man's fingers could. That makes them extremely efficient in generating the nerve impulses that cause sexual climaxes.
2. Where would your wife have got it? Well, there are shops in Jamaica which sell vibrators. But it is also incredibly easy nowadays to buy these devices via the Internet.
Your wife just need to type the words 'buy vibrator' into Google, and she would immediately have been offered a choice of about 10 million sites - all wanting to sell her these devices.
3. Could a secret lover have given it to her? This seems very unlikely! When a wife cheats, the other man does not usually give her a vibrator to keep in her bedside cabinet!
In fact, I wonder if your spouse wanted you to find it? Maybe she wishes to open up a discussion with you about your sex lives.
After all, you say that you think that she often has an orgasm. That is probably not enough for a highly sexed woman. I suspect that your spouse probably wants to climax at least once per week, and maybe more than that.
Please talk these matters over with her. And remember, these vibrators are not solely for self-stimulation. Very often, it is the husband who uses these devices on his wife in order to please her.
Q: I have to take an operation called a D&C next week, but I have no idea what it is or whether it will affect my sex life.
A: Well, a D&C is a very common female operation, though not as common as it used to be. The initials stand for Dilatation and Curettage. What that means is:
- Dilating (widening) of the cervix so that an instrument can be pushed through it, into the womb;
- Using the instrument in order to scrape out the womb lining.
This procedure only takes around 10 minutes. It is nearly always done under a general anaesthetic. Usually, the point of the operation is to obtain some 'cuttings' from the inside of the womb, so that they can be examined under the microscope.
Finally, you ask about sex. Well, a D&C will not affect your sex life. But you should not have intercourse for about two weeks after the procedure because of the slight risk that this might cause infection in the womb.
Q: I am divorced and in my 30s. Last week, for the first time in my life, I saw a 'blue movie'.
Doc, I was very shocked to see that when the man orgasmed, he somehow shot his semen about a foot or more away from him.
This made me feel very bad. I know that these days I only manage around an inch or so. I have a vague memory of being able to do a lot further when I was a teenager, but not today.
Do you think I am abnormal or suffering from some sickness? I have a feeling that no woman will want me.
A: Women are not interested in how far a man can ejaculate his semen. And I certainly don't think that you are abnormal or sick!
What you have not considered is that the 'hero' of this porn flick was probably very young. Men under 22 years old tend to ejaculate much further than men in their 30s or 40s.
What you describe about your own ejaculations seems perfectly normal.
Also, there is a secret trick occasionally used by the directors of these films, in which a small bulb or 'squirter' of milk is concealed behind the actor's body. At the moment when he is supposed to climax, somebody squeezes the bulb so the viewer gets the impression of a long-distance ejaculation.
To sum up, you should stop worrying about what you saw in that movie.