Dear Doc | Whenever we have sex I have to masturbate after
Published:Monday | April 9, 2018 | 12:00 AM
Q Dear Doc, I am in an on-and-off relationship with this man about 10 years now, but he still cannot make me climax. He treats me well and takes care of the house and helps me with my two kids which are not his. My family loves him and we all get along.
He is getting a divorce soon and all my friends and family want me to marry him. The problem is, whenever we have sex, I have to masturbate after he falls asleep or I have no climax. Do you think this will get better after we get married? I also worry that my clitoris will get bigger because I have to masturbate so often.
AGood day to you, marriage by itself does not improve sexual technique neither does it guarantee orgasms. Both partners have to take definite steps to address the issue which may include:
- Counselling
- Sex education
- Communicating during sex
There is no scientific evidence that masturbation increases the size of the clitoris.
Marriage is a serious commitment and should not be entered into trivially. Ten years flipping the on/off switch may not be a sound basis on which to make this commitment. A lot depends on the length of each on/off period and what happened during these. Questions such as:
- What do you both do for sex during these off periods?
- Do you know his whereabouts during the off season and vice versa?
Your family wants you to marry him, but do you want to marry this man? You state that he is going through a divorce, is he willing to jump into another marriage right away? These are some of the issues both of you need to consider. Best of luck.
Worried about ringing in my ears
Q Dear Doc, I have been having a ringing in my ears for the longest while. I got antibiotics, ear drops and had my ears syringed, but it is still there. Can you say what might be causing this?
A Pleasant day to you, ear infections and excess wax can cause ringing in the ears. There are however, other causes such as:
- Tumours (brain/hearing nerve).
- Constant exposure to loud noises.
- Prolonged use of medication such as certain antibiotics and aspirin.
- Head/injury.
- Medical conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure, anaemia, thyroid problems.
Therefore, you need to be screened for these. Perhaps you should see an ENT (ear, nose and throat) specialist who will be better able to sort out the problem for you. Best of luck.
Is there another way to collect a sperm sample?
Q Hello Doc, my girlfriend and I are having trouble getting a child. We are both 30 years old and none of us has had any children yet. I was told I have to do a sperm count test, but I know what the test is all about and I am not sure I can manage it. Is there another way that they can collect the sperm? I am not into masturbating.
A Dear sir, you are not alone. A lot of men are put off by the sperm-count test for the same reason. That is why many centres recommend taking one's partner along to make the process easier. In exceptional circumstances, the laboratory can give you a container with special instructions to collect the semen sample at home. The drawback is, you have to keep the sample within a specific temperature range and get it to the lab within an hour of collection which might not be convenient.
Hard to pass urine
Q Dear Doc, I am a 42-year-old man with diabetes. I take tablets. Three months ago, I noticed that my urine is hard to pass. Sometimes it comes, but other times I feel I can pass more. One day I had some dribbling that wet the front of my pants. What do you think the problem is, Doc?
A Good day to you, it is quite alarming that as a diabetic you endured these symptoms for three months without seeking medical attention! The situation you described suggests that your prostate may be enlarged, which is a common occurrence around your age. Uncontrolled diabetes compounds the problem, as high blood glucose damages nerves supplying the bladder neck which can result in urinary incontinence. Please see your healthcare provider as soon as possible.
Does urine get inside her when I ejaculate?
Q Dear Doc, I have a concern. I am an 18-year-old male and I just started having sex, but sometimes I'm so anxious for it that when my girlfriend comes over, I do not go to pass my urine before, I just have sex quickly before my mother comes. I am worried that my urine may go inside her when I cum.
A Pleasant day to you, thank you for your question. This is a concern of many young people, especially those who are new to sex. There are basically two valves, one close to the bladder which closes off during sex, so no urine can flow from the bladder during sex. The valve further away from the bladder opens to allow semen from the prostate to exit through the penis at orgasm. However, in men who have had prostate surgery or injury to the pelvic region, the valve close to the bladder neck may be damaged, so urine may leak during any situation which increases the pressure in the bladder such as during sex, coughing or straining. Prostate problems requiring surgery usually begin at around age 40, so unless you have been in a terrible accident you have no reason to worry.
White, cheesy stuff on baby's tongue
Q Dear Doc, I have a three-month-old baby and there are some white cheesy stuff on his tongue. My mother says it is the old milk that has caked up on it and I used a clean rag and warm salt water to rub it off, but it keeps coming back. So I asked one of my nurse friends and she says it is thrush and I should use glycerine to clean the tongue, but I am afraid that it will burn up my baby's mouth. I need your advice.
A Pleasant day to you. The fact that this white, cheesy material is easily wiped away suggests it could be milk residue. However, it's persistent recurrence points to other possibilities such as thrush which is a common infection in babies caused by the yeast fungus. Babies usually get this condition from the mother (if she has a yeast infection) during vaginal delivery, or from mother's nipples or bottles which have the fungus on it. Certain antibiotics pass into the breastmilk and disturb the acid-base balance of the mouth and intestines, leading to thrush in the mouth and diaper rash.
Take the baby to a doctor who will tell you for sure if the problem is indeed thrush. He/she will then prescribe appropriate treatment.