Trevor E. S. Smith | Are you provoking conflicts?

We may be shocked at how others respond to our actions.

For us, the action may be well-intentioned and normal. Why then should this be an issue?

The fact is that human behaviour is complex and requires more investigation and attention than most of us have been willing to give it.

In reality, we view life’s events through surprisingly different lenses. Ignorance about these differences is the root cause of many avoidable conflicts.

NEED FOR MORE INFORMATION

One frequent area in which conflicts arise is how different individuals view the need for information.

For some, details are essential. They want you to take the time to provide all the available information.

In addition, you should be ready to respond to as many questions as they may have.

On the other side, is the individual who simply wants to push to the bottom line by concisely stating essential information.

Getting details from this individual can be like pulling teeth.

Naturally then, communication between these sets of individuals may produce conflict.

One has unmet needs (a primary source of conflict) and the other experiences frustration from having to complete an unpleasant task (another root cause of conflict.)

Unmet needs, along with having to do something against one’s will, is a formula for provoking conflict even when relationships are healthy. In a toxic environment, it spells even more trouble.

Something as seemingly simple as asking for or being asked for information can disrupt the peace.

If the parties fail to appreciate and respect the differences in their behavioural styles, the relationship may be negatively impacted.

On a wider scale, failing to appreciate differences in behavioural styles is a major problem in teams and organisations. You would be amazed at the level of frustration that is experienced around the issue of ‘information needs’.

In our work with employee-satisfaction surveys and the development of high-performance teams, this issue is never far from the top of perceived challenges.

Solution

Appreciate the fact that there are valid differences with respect to how much information is required, and communicate openly with a view to coming to a solution that works for all parties.

LEAD/FOLLOW ISSUES

Another ripe area for conflict – hidden or manifested – relates to how individuals view navigating through life.

Some individuals have an innate need to direct their own paths. Even from an early age, there is a strong leaning towards self-direction. This is frequently regarded as stubbornness and represents a major source of frustration and conflict for others.

Team leaders pull their hair out when challenged by this kind of team member. This is why our 3-D leader course is so helpful in providing coaching about how to lead difficult, dominant, and diverse personalities.

‘Followership’ is a competence that is all too frequently absent in teams.

On the other side, many are the woes of those who have to relate to individuals who they perceive refuse to listen.

This frustration is common in spousal, parent-child, and leader-team member relationships.

Solution

Traditionally, the focus has been on getting the strong-willed individual to yield, to listen, or to be obedient.

Resolving conflicts is rarely one-sided. Recognising that there is a fundamental difference in mindset is a good starting point. In many instances, the complaint of stubbornness is applicable to both sides. You insist that your advice be heeded, and the other party thinks that his/her approach is just fine.

When insist meets resist, it is best for both to desist!

ACTION

Join me and counselling psychologist, André Allen-Casey (Family Life Ministries) for a free interactive conflict-management workshop on Sunday, May 26, at 6:30 p.m. at the St Andrew Church of Christ, 77 Red Hills Road. Want to reduce domestic violence? Have questions? We have answers!

Request a free copy of our presentation: DISCerning Conflict Management: Powerful Conflict Resolution Strategies at info@successwithpeople.org.

 

- Trevor E. S. Smith/Success with People Academy certifies leadership professionals and coach/mentors and coaches the development of engaged, high-performance teams. Our technology solutions align, drive, and track performance. Our SPIKE performance management, governance, and compliance e-platform supports compliance, tracks performance, and guides learning and development. We avoid bad hires with FinxS solutions from Extended DISC. Ask about how to create your own turn-key coaching business. Email: info@successwithpeople.org.