Prepare to be disturbed!
Published:Sunday | July 25, 2010 | 12:00 AM
- Title: If love's so nice, why does it hurt
- Author: Jennifer Mambo Alexander M.D.
- Publisher: Jennifer Mambo Alexander
- Reviewed by: Avia Ustanny
Dr Jennifer Mambo Alexander, who is no stranger to tough subjects, having previously written the book, A Practical Guide To Coping With Cancer, has produced another hard-hitting guide, which this time introduces the innocent among women to behaviour among men, which often parallels animals in the wild.
In the 135-page If Love's So Nice, Why Does It Hurt?, such women will be introduced to men in categories including the relationship Houdini, the 'single' married man, the stingy Mr Know-it-all, the cradle robber, the narcissist and the commitment phobe.
The theme of the book, to begin with, is that women should accept only what's best for themselves and must screen and investigate all men before accepting them into their lives.
Readers of both sexes may find the discussion disturbing, because it describes behaviour among male of the species which is psychotic and prevalent.
In her opening chapter, Mambo Alexander states, "Most men do not understand women and, in general ... feel that we are all stupid.
"They also correctly state that about 90 per cent of us feel that we are being mistreated in some form or another by our partners, yet we keep going back for more maltreatment time and time again. Why, then, should men change their behaviour if we appear stupid?"
To help women avoid serial heartbreakers, the author first introduces them to the relationship Houdini, who is the master of the short affair, the quick escape artist who practices "sleight of relationships".
Next is the "single" married man who simply loves to experiment and does so often with his favourite excuse, "my wife does not understand me".
Mambo Alexander compares this type to a dog who must be carefully trained not to stray from home. "Never ever wait to act on punishment and never ever pet or play with him when he disobeys."
Another animal of a different kind is Mr Stingy Know-it-all, who seeks to control those around him and yet provides very little in the way of emotional or financial support.
Based on the author's experience of men she has observed, the book also discusses the features of men who make good marriage material and an endangered species - the loving traditional man.
While some might find the brass-tacks reasoning offensive, it is more in line with a realistic look at the mine field through which most women must walk when searching for acceptable life partners.
Mambo Alexander, who is a 24-year survivor of stage-four cancer, leads a no-holds-barred discussion with the apparent intent of preparing women of all ages to avoid the disease of the soul caused by low self-esteem and unhealthy relationships.
She provides pointers on finding the right partner and also suggests that being single and happy far trumps life with a man who engages in psychotic behaviour.
Clinical psychologist Dr Barrington Davidson who provides the foreword to this book states, "the book demonstrates Dr Mambo Alexander's gift for converting negative experiences into positive learning curves.
" As a psychologist, I am struck by her use of experiential psychology. She has shown how the bitterness of lemons can be converted into sweet, refreshing lemonade."