SUNDAY SAUCE - When Kemesha got married

Oxy Moron, Contributor

You remember Sandra Campbell? The inner-city mother of six who Sheila Tavarnes had invited to dinner in Cherry Gardens? The evening didn't end favourably from Sheila's perspective, but they kept in touch, nonetheless. Last November, Sandra excitedly phoned Sheila. Her biggest daughter, Kemesha, was getting married and Sheila was invited.

Sheila, however, was somewhat perturbed and did not share Sandra's glee. But Sandra had already committed herself to her daughter's big day and had shopped for the occasion.

On wedding day, in December, with much anger, Sheila wrote a Letter to the Editor to her community newspaper. She had intended to send it by email the following day. When she arrived at the venue, Sandra, her friends and relatives were at the gate waiting. They were dressed in their finery, accessorised by long hair extensions and wigs of various colours and shades, false lashes that looked like spiders' legs, semi-circular eye shadows that almost touched their brows, long, colourful fingernails, costume jewellery from China, and stilettos. There was also an abundance of powder on their chests and necks.

After noisy introductions, Sheila, casually dressed, went inside and sat at the back. Children and adults alike were bursting with excitement. Sandra was all over the place, making sure everything was all right. Some people stared at Sheila. She looked out of place, and very uncomfortable. To pass time, she text-messaged her friend, Madge, about the unfolding event.

Suddenly, there was a loud female voice telling everyone to sit down and be quiet. The ceremony was about to start. Sheila put her BlackBerry on vibrate. A very ecstatic Sandra had by then joined her.

At the entrance of the basic-school classroom, stood five-year-old Kemesha and her bridal party. She beamed under the little blonde wig fastened to her real hair with glue. At the centre of the room, six-year-old Shamar, the groom, and his party fidgeted. Sheila stood to go, but Sandra held on to her. The attendees in the cramped basic school erupted with applause and cheers, as the processional music started. Sandra bellowed, "Rae!" Her five-year-old daughter is getting married. And Sheila cringed.

After the wedding, a very upset Sheila went straight home to her computer. She opened the draft of the Letter to the Editor and read it.

The Editor, Sir:

I write to express my anger at a rather interesting development in some of our early childhood institutions, the whole notion of simulated weddings, which I am told are part of the curriculum.

Well, these weddings, I dare say, will rob the children of their innocence and must be immediately stopped. There is absolutely no sensible rationale behind them. Children do not need to know about weddings at this stage of their lives, much less to be participating in their mock versions.

Let them be children and do the things children do. Weddings are for serious and mature adults and, as such, have no place in our basic schools. Children must focus on learning the skills that will make them literate and numerate. And, can you imagine, we send our children to school to learn their ABCs and what do you know? They are being taught the ABCs of marriage. What are they going to simulate next? The birds and the bees? Or is it that they already know about them?

I am, etc,

Sheila Tavarnes

Cherry Gardens

Sheila was now livid and was not going to wait until the next day to send off the letter. But, when she was to insert the email address, something struck her as a sledgehammer. She remembered the excitement, pride and joy that engulfed the classroom. Sandra, Kemesha, her teacher, the principal, and members of the community were happy. Sheila bit her lips, put the arrow on delete, and clicked the mouse.

oxydmoron@gmail.com