A lady in the living room?

Years ago, women would groom their daughters for marriage by teaching them to be a lady in the living room, a gourmet in the kitchen and a seductress in the bedroom.

These older women understood that a woman had to be more than a reproductive partner who cares for children. To satisfy her man, a woman had to master these three essential areas of her relationship. I've spent a lot of time listening to men, talking to them about what they want in a partner. And it still holds true.

When a man decides to actively look for a life partner, he expects her to behave like a lady when she is in company. The 'party girl' who flirts with all the guys and knows how to attract attention may be the perfect person for the club, but when he wants to settle down, the 'party girl' is not likely to score big points.

I've heard several men, especially younger ones, say that they don't need a woman who cooks. But ask the same men what some of their favourite memories in their relationships are and you will see that the love they feel when a woman prepares them a meal is almost universal. There is something about the act of nurturing that makes men feel truly loved. You will touch his heart through his stomach but you keep his attention in the bedroom.

Interestingly enough, even the most serious-minded and proper man seems to want a woman who switches personalities in the bedroom. They want a 'pleasure princess'. One man explained it to me as a woman who takes pleasure as seriously as a commercial sex worker. That may seem a bit extreme to most women, but it does speak to what men fantasise about. Take the initiative and spice it up in the bedroom.

Some women respond to advice by saying their man will think they are seeing someone else and learning new tricks. For this reason, I prefer to use the word seductress. You have to make the changes gradually and with subtlety. Make your man feel secure that these new pleasures are for him.

Start by getting rid of the ugly nightgowns, baggy T-shirts and unattractive underwear. Listen to what he says he likes and involve him in choosing what you wear to bed. Change up the schedule of love making and try to pamper your man a little, become the empress of your bedroom and bring out the emperor in him.

Dr Karen Carpenter is a Florida board-certified clinical sexologist and psychologist. Email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.