The GG's original 'Thrown' Speech

Oxy Moron, Contributor

The other day when the governor general was reading the Throne Speech aloud, there was another speech I was reading in my mind, pretending to be the governor general. It went like this:

Mr Speaker, and all else who have gathered in this place where hatred and bitterness flourish in great abundance, for the past few years I have been standing here reading these empty and meaningless speeches, the content of which I am not really interested in, and parts of which I don't understand, much less some of the people listening.

And talking about the people, where were they, as in years gone by, cheering on the Orange and Green gangs as they wallow in their moment of self-importance, and forgetting how much of a failure they have been? Only a few of them turned up at Duke Street, only the ones who still believe Mama and Papa, and Baby Bruce, will be the be-all and end-all to their problems.

Now, what is the purpose of this ritual when, come next year, parliamentarians' necks, bellies and noses will be bigger and the poor people whom Mama loves so much will be drawing their belts tighter. I was at pains to leave the lavish and peaceful setting of my home to be here to read a speech that is as lacklustre as a full moon on a cloudy night.

NO HALF-TRUTHS HERE

As a man of God, I am really not into this act of telling half-truths. I would rather be home engaging myself in something productive like watering my plants or reading the Bible, especially the part that says, "Woe be unto those who are leading the Orange and Green gangs. They shall be banished to the valley of the shadows of debt to keep company with Oxy Moron and his legion of mosquitoes."

They are having unholy communion with the IMF, which instructed Papa to remove poor people's money from the No House to Trust. And Mama stood idly by without even a whimper. Where has the love gone? Where is Mama's tongue? What can we do to pull it? Can a woman's tender care cease towards the children she bore? Don't let me preach inside here.

Also, to know that I am here representing a Queen who has turned her back on her poor and pauperised subjects who have bankrupted England's former colony is really not going down well with me. She really doesn't care about the fact that some of our children, the descendants of enslaved people, who have been worked to death on plantations, are still eating from garbage dumps. Where is the reparation money?

Why are we still holding on to the hem of her royal garment, when she is just dying for us to let her go? In all of this, I really want to throw away these pieces of paper before me, because, you know what they really are? A Thrown Speech, to be tossed away, for it is not worth the paper on which it is written.

Now, am I an enemy of the State, or what?

Oxy Moron is a freelance writer and pain in the ass. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.