15 years of happiness over the counter

By Daniel Thwaites

I was reading the other day that if you put a little Viagra in a vase, cut flowers will remain upright and unwilted for up to an extra week. Who knew? This supposed factoid emerged a couple weeks ago, along with other information about the wonder drug, because March 27, 2013 marked 15 years since America's Food and Drug Administration approved Viagra as a treatment for male flippancy.

Scientists were working on a drug to treat heart problems and high blood pressure. Instead, they developed a drug that has caused more problems of the heart, and raised more pressure than perhaps any before. As we emerge from Easter, it is important to remember that it's not just in religion that the dead can be raised. Science has a trick or two in its pocket.

Apparently, there were test subjects, human guinea pigs, who were being given the pill to see if their blood pressure and heart issues would improve. They kept coming back to the lab, wanting more and more of the tablets, and reporting that strange things were happening.

I don't know if there's another story of an unintended side effect becoming more popular and desired than the original purpose of the medication. This thing is now known as 'Vitamin V' in the retirement communities in Florida, and I'm sure there are more than a few elderly gentlemen in Jamaica chewing them like Wrigleys.

In fact, Vitamin V has posed a new moral problem in the battle of the generations. Is it right that younger people should work and pay taxes to provide this medical benefit to the aged? It's one thing if grandpa needs a pair of spectacles, but quite another if he's drugging himself to terrorise grandma or turn into the village rooster again.

It seems like every month or so, some new use is discovered. It seems to lessen the effects of jet lag, and to work against altitude sickness. So if you decide to climb Blue Mountain Peak, carry a pill or two with you, just in case. And if you plan to climb a really high mountain, carry even more, because it has proven useful against Raynaud's phenomenon, where arterial spasms stop blood flow to the extremities.

MANY USES OF VITAMIN V

It's being studied to help with muscular dystrophy. It's being used to treat female sexual dysfunction caused by multiple sclerosis, diabetes, and antidepressant medication. It helps people who've suffered heart failure by dilating the arteries and boosting blood flow. It might reduce mortality for stroke patients, and it may help fight the effects of diabetes.

Brandon Marshall, the Chicago Bears receiver, said that some NFL players are using Viagra as a performance enhancer. It's being studied as a treatment for cystic fibrosis. It enhances the chances of success with in vitro fertilisation.

It seems equally good for the mind as for the body. Schizophrenics seem to have better mood symptoms and memory when they get the pill, and people with chronic fatigue syndrome get relief, probably because of increased blood flow to the brain.

Not all of the news about Vitamin V is good, though. It seems to aggravate sleep apnea, which is where sufferers have repeated stopping and starting to their breathing when they are asleep.

Still, overall, from making the flowers stand up straight, to sending blood to the brain, Viagra is a miracle drug.

I'm told that there's a lobby group asking NWC to put Viagra in the Kingston water supply. The idea is to improve people's mood, cut heart disease, and solve the traffic problem, because people stay home and have fun instead of choking up the highway.

Based on the happiness survey published by The Gleaner, Manchester and Trelawny people don't need it, but Kingston and Montego Bay people could use a pep-up. There is that concern about sleep apnea. But who cares? People won't be sleeping at night-time anymore, so all should be well.

Let us hope Viagra has triggered more human happiness. Who knows? The philosopher Plato looked forward to old age as a period without terrific passions of sexual longing, and, therefore, ripe for contemplation and wisdom. What happens to a person, and to a society, when by artificial means men can feel, or at least act, like 18 at age 81?

A friend sent me this reflection:

Two men are in a line at the pharmacy.

First Man: "Viagra is great. It really works! My love life has improved remarkably!"

Friend: "Really!? Can you get it over the counter?"

First Man: "Well! I'm not sure. Maybe if I take two."

Daniel Thwaites is a partner of Thwaites Law Firm in Jamaica, and Thwaites, Lundgren & D'Arcy in New York. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.