Single, ready to mingle ... but let’s get some things straight - Part 1

“I cannot believe someone like you is single. Why dont you have a man?”

If you are a single woman, seemingly doing well for yourself and showing physical signs of contentment, it is highly likely that you would have had the above-mentioned question asked of you.

But single women all over the world have their reasons for not being in a relationship and/or for waiting on those who they deem fit to receive their time.

Family and Religion will, over the next few weeks, share with you stories of single, successful women who are open to changing their status but are still very selective about who they choose and who are not afraid to make their standards known.

Michelle Jones leads a busy life as a health and lifestyle coach and fitness instructor and has been single for the past four years.

Much like the experiences of other single women, she says that the pool of men she has so far stumbled on does not cut it.

She believes a common misconception men have of women is that all they need is their sexual desires fulfilled.

“Based on how I have seen a number of them approach women, I believe they think we only want sex. I also think men believe that women’s standards are too high when, in fact, it is they who are not able to meet those standards.”

Jones said that in the same way other women, and even men, have their preferences, she has a list of preferences and does not believe in compromising on those preferences.

“I am attracted to someone who is ambitious and driven; someone who is able to feed my mind. I am a sapiosexual. If you are not able to stimulate my brain in the first five minutes of conversation, I lose interest. I want someone who knows what their purpose is and is working towards that. I don’t want a man to complete me, but to complement me. We would have already found happiness within, so together, we would enhance that. I also want a man who can offer a sense of security.”

As a divorcee with two grown children and one teenager, this 40-year-old woman said she has no time to waste.

“I dont have time to be beating around the bush. I don’t have time for hook-ups and causal flings. A man should know what he wants and present that clear guideline.”

Jones said that one of the worst encounters she has had was with a guy who pursued her for a date for over a year only to then offer her a ‘side-chick’ status.

“Yes, we went for dinner, and during converstaion about what he wanted and where I was in my life, he said, ‘You know my situation’. I was clueless, and so I asked him what he meant. It turns out that he was stilll with the mother of his child and he wanted me to be with him nonetheless.”

It has become a common trend where men unreservedly propose that a woman be his mistress and even show their belligerence when that offer is rejected.

Jones said that though she does not subscribe to monagamy, she can respect a man who is upfront by stating that he is in a relationship yet wishes to be with another woman rather than the deception of being involved and lying about his involvement.

“I am not looking for perfection. That does not exist. I, too, have my flaws and shortcomings, but I dont believe in compromising on my morals and needs for my sanity. However, I will make sacrifices when and where necessary.”

Jones said that men ought to remember that women appreciate men of substance who value them rather than just desire them.

“Women love a man who respects them and sees their value more so than their physical attributes. Men must also know how important it is to show their real side and not put on a facade to impress,” she added