Dear Doc | Should I tell him about my vibrator?
Published:Monday | May 16, 2016 | 12:00 AM
Q Doctor, I have met a wonderful man and have fallen in love with him. I think he loves me, and I really, really hope that we will get married.
We have not had sex yet, but I think it may be any day now! However, I have one worry.
You see doc, before I met him, I use to get sexually frustrated, so I bought myself a vibrator. I must tell you that this fulfilled my needs. It is certainly a reliable way of getting me to orgasm. I have not told anyone that I have been using this device.
I suppose I had better explain to you that it is a penis-shaped one. My new guy has no idea that I have been using this device. I have two questions for you:
1. When we do go to bed, will he be able to tell that I have been using it?
2. Will he have a problem with it? (I have a feeling that it might be safer not to tell him.)
A I can answer your first question fairly easily - no, he will not be able to tell that you have been using a vibrator. These devices do not cause any changes in a woman's genitals. So there is no way that he would find any indication at all of what you have been doing.
As it relates to your second question, it is difficult to forecast what his attitude to vibrators might be. Some men are very pro-vibrators. Others are very opposed to them - usually because they regard them as some sort of rival!
It could be that if you tell him about it, he will regard it as proof that you are a very sexual woman; he may even be turned on by the idea.
On the other hand, if he has a somewhat strait-laced disposition, he might actually be shocked at the idea that you have been pleasuring yourself with an electrical stimulator.
So all in all, my advice is that you should keep quiet about your vibrator habit for now. It may be possible to talk to him about it when you know each other a great deal better.
I hope that your relationship will flourish and will progress to a happy marriage. But for the moment, please keep that vibrator locked away - where he cannot find it.
Is my wife cheating on me?
Q Hello, doc. Is my wife cheating on me?
Because of my work, I'm away from home a lot, so she certainly has the opportunity to play around. Well, recently, I have noticed that she is a lot more enthusiastic about sex when I am home. She practically drags me into bed.
Also, it seems to me like her juices are flowing much more freely than they used to. There are times when I get her excited, and she is almost 'awash.' Of course, I like this, doc.
But I can't help but wonder whether she is having sex with some other guy - and if that is what is making her so turned on?
A It never ceases to amaze me how easily husbands get the idea that their wives are cheating. And mostly, they are wrong.
Look, you have absolutely no reliable evidence that your spouse is having sex with some other man.
All that has happened is that you have noticed that she is now pretty horny when you come home.
These are not reasons to be suspicious at all. I feel that you should be pleased that your wife is so keen to have sex with you. After all, you are frequently away for a while, and it is not surprising that her sexual passions has built up a little.
Her increased vaginal lubrication is, I imagine, also an indication that her desire for you has grown while you are away. Also, I must add that there is a possibility that she might have been using one of those excellent vaginal lubricants which are available to women these days.
So I urge you - forget your crazy thoughts that your spouse is cheating. Just be pleased at the fact that she is clearly so keen on having sex with you.
What is a prolapse?
Q I recently felt that there was a slight obstruction when my boyfriend enters me.
So I went to a doctor for a check-up, and he has informed me that I am developing a prolapse.
But I do not know what that is. Help, please!
A A prolapse (often known as pelvic organ prolapse) is a common condition in women in their 30s.
Prolapse means coming down. What happens is that one or more of the organs in the lower part of the belly start coming down through the vagina. I suspect that in your case, what is happening is that the womb (aka, the uterus) is trying to descend and is, therefore, causing a bit of a blockage.
Why does this happen? Mainly it is because the support of the womb and adjacent organs tend to get weaker as you get older. Also, these supports are very often damaged by childbirth - particularly repeated childbirth. So, women who have had two or three children, are particularly liable to get a prolapse.
Now, something must be done about this because it is not good for you to have the internal organs trying to come out of the vagina. I strongly recommend that you consult a gynaecologist - she will tell you what the best treatment is in your particular case.
What sort of treatments are there? In mild cases, a long course of pelvic exercises can be sufficient. And there is also an internal strut-like ring which can sometimes be used in order to 'prop' the womb back in place.
However, it is much more likely that the doctor will suggest that you take an operation. Possibilities include:
• Removing the womb altogether (a hysterectomy).
• Repairing your pelvic tissue so that the womb is fixed back in its proper place and, therefore, cannot come down again.
The result from these surgery are usually very good, and you will soon be able to enjoy sex again - without feeling any blockage.
Can a vaginal ring contraceptive affect our life?
Q My American girlfriend wants to start using something called a vaginal ring contraceptive, doc.
Will this affect our sex life? Could the ring get caught over my penis, like a loop, and hurt me?
A The vaginal ring is a good form of contraception. Like the Pill, it contains two hormones. It is suitable for most women - but not for those who are significantly at risk of thrombosis (clotting).
I assure you, it will not affect your sex life. You might possibly dislodge it during sex. But that doesn't matter; your girlfriend can just reinsert it.
I have never heard of a case in which the ring got looped over the man's penis. But if it happened, this would be no big deal. You could simply take it off your organ and hand it back to her.