Doctor's Advice | Desperate to have a baby

Q Doctor, I am 19 and I am desperate to have a baby by a handsome, older man, who is my occasional lover.

I adore him and I really, really want him to be the father of my child. But although he is really nice to me, he says that he does not love me and he has no intention of divorcing his wife to marry me.

We only have sex around once each week. He invariably uses a condom. I have never been pregnant. At least, not yet.

I have an idea that I think might work. I would like your medical opinion on it, please.

Look, Doc, my boyfriend is quite careless about how he disposes of the used condoms. Sometimes, he actually gives me the used one after we have finished having sex, and he says to me, 'Just get rid of this, will you, honey?'

So, the thought that has occurred to me is, how would it be if, instead of disposing of the used condom, I hid it in the bathroom cupboard. Then, when he leaves, I could somehow extract the man-fluid from inside it and put that liquid into my vagina?

What do you think? Would it work? Is it against the law?

A Well, I believe that women in various parts of the world have tried this 'trick'. And it could work - particularly if you did it on the day you ovulate. However, sperms do tend to dry out and die pretty quickly - particularly when they are exposed to rubber. So, you would have to extract them from the condom real rapidly.

Technically, what you propose is not against the law, but I beg you NOT to go ahead with your plan, for several reasons.

First, what you want to do is not really fair to the guy or to his wife. How do you think they will feel if they find out that you have surreptitiously managed to get pregnant with his sperm?

Did you perhaps think that he would suddenly decide to marry you? I feel that this is most unlikely! In fact, he might even reject you, and perhaps refuse to see you ever again.

I'm afraid that he might also deny paternity. Admittedly, you could prove that he was the father by getting DNA tests done. Even so, he might refuse to support the child since he will, presumably, feel that he has been tricked.

Summing up, your idea might work, but I urge you not to try it. I feel it would lead to ill will and trouble!

Q I am a guy of almost 21. My girlfriend is 22. She wants to go on the Pill. I know that is a hormone thing. Could I somehow absorb those hormones from her through my penis while having sex with her? I do not like that idea.

A Quit fretting. Guys do not absorb those Pill hormones during sex. You will not start singing soprano!

Q Last week, I met a really exciting boy and we both got so carried away that we went ahead and had unprotected sex in my bedroom. This was while my mother was out. I know I shouldn't have done it, but that is what happened.

Five days later, I got a pain in the lower part of the belly, and then I bled for around three days. The pain eased up when I started bleeding. There was not much blood.

Do you think this was my menses? Or would you say that I am pregnant?

A The odds are that this was a period - even if it was a slightly unusual one, so, you are probably not pregnant. However, clearly, what you must do now is take a pregnancy test. Get this done as soon as possible.

I hope, for your sake, that it turns out to be negative. Please learn from this scare! No matter how excited and sexually aroused you are, please do not have unprotected intercourse with boys.

To be frank, during one's teenage years, sexual intercourse is best avoided altogether. But if you feel that you are likely to do it, why not buy a pack of female condoms from a pharmacy and keep it in your purse?

Q I am a young guy who gets a lot of what they call wet dreams. I cannot help this, Doc. Will these dreams affect my virility, or harm my ability to have sex?

A No. These nocturnal emissions, as they are called, are totally harmless. They are the body's natural way of getting rid of a build-up of sperms.

The dreams will get less frequent as you get older. You need not fret about them at all.

Q Doc, I have recently started using tampons. I am managing them OK, though insertion was a little difficult to start with.

Several of the girls at college have told me that tampons can give bad infections. Is that true?

A Well, there is an element of truth to this. Occasionally, young women get something called toxic shock syndrome, caused from germs which have been carried into the body while inserting a tampon.

To avoid this happening, you should keep to strict hygiene rules while using these products. Follow the instructions on the pack carefully, and, in particular:

- Always wash your hands before putting in a tampon.

- Do not leave it in your vagina for more than eight hours.

- Do not have sex with it inside you.

- Wash your hands before removing it.

If you use them sensibly, tampons are really unlikely to give you any kind of infection.

Q I am a guy who does not know much about sex, neither do my friends.

If you have intercourse with a girl, will she automatically discharge at the same time as you do?

A No, very far from it! Women are quite unlike men in their sexual reactions.

Most young guys can orgasm very quickly - often much more quickly than they intended to. But frequently, young women cannot reach orgasm until several months (or even years) after they first have sex.

And when they do learn to climax, it is not something that they can do at the drop of a hat. Usually, they need a loving, tender, relaxed atmosphere, and a partner who really knows what he is doing.

When you and your friends eventually get around to having sex with girls, I urge you to be gentle and patient. And please do use condoms!

Q If I go on the Pill, will it have any effect on my menses, Doc?

A Yes. It should make them shorter, lighter and (with luck) pain-free.

Q Is it true that there is some kind of condom that just goes over the head of the male organ?

A Yes, these condoms are called Grecian tips or Galactic caps. Personally, however, I do not recommend them as they are liable to fall off inside the lady. That could be unfortunate.

- Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.