'Other woman' problems

Q: My sister has been married for more than 30 years. However, her husband has been cheating on her for at least eight years and I do not know how to tell her. At least once a year, for the past eight years, he goes to a conference overseas and takes the other woman and they stay in the same room.

His wife will take him to the airport, but she has no clue what is going on. He also has a local conference and the other woman goes with him, but because he is well known in the society, he books two rooms and they stay in one together. The president of the organisation knows about it, but people only speak in hushed tones. My sister and her husband have two lovely sons who are adults and married, but I do not know if they are aware of their father's behaviour. He is well respected in his profession and well known in society. The other woman is younger and, to be honest, in better shape than my sister and has time on her hands. My sister has a good job. Should I tell my sister or should I confront my brother-in-law?

A: Your brother-in-law has obviously developed an attachment to the other woman. He is at least careless and possibly brazen with his infidelities. It is possible that he finds this other woman hot.

It would probably be better if you hint at it to your sister rather than saying it outright. You could encourage your sister to surprise him on one of his overseas trips. You could even give her the airline ticket.

You could also have a word with the president of your brother-in-law's organisation. Furthermore, you could ascertain from your nephews what is their attitude towards infidelity and what would they do if their parents were cheating. Additionally, how would they feel and react if their spouses were in an adulterous relationship? This is sowing things in their minds and, hopefully, they would be more vigilante.

Finally, you should talk with your brother-in-law and tell him that you do not appreciate how he is treating your sister. You might have to threaten to tell your sister and, hopefully that will be enough.

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