Gordon Robinson | Make cricket great again

It's time to piss off the Old Ball and Chain again and talk of cricket.

Her column of two Tuesdays ago was very popular, mainly among women, many of whom stopped me in the streets, at an X-ray lab, at lawyers' offices, and at a popular plaza to tell me how much they enjoyed it.

Well, I didn't, so this is revenge, or, as she'd put it, "to continue your daily abuse of your wife and resident slave". Bah!

Wake up everybody, no more sleepin' in bed;

No more backward thinkin', time for thinkin' ahead.

The world has changed so very much

from what it used to be ... .

When will world, regional and local cricketing authorities get it? The contracting planet, converted to a global village by modern mass communication, should've long ago taught us:

Professional sportsmen are independent contractors, not serfs. They're free to roam the globe, maximise their reward for the exploitation of their skills, and are beholden to nothing but their families.

Sports fans have been infected, by modern technology, with attention deficit disorder (ADD), aggravated by the harsh realities of 21st-century economies and inflamed by a proliferation of viewing choices.

What does this mean? First, 'eligibility rules' are obsolete and infantile. Save for nationality/

residential qualifications for international competition, there should be no obstruction to any cricketer playing for his country. Deon Burton (and others) played for the Reggae Boyz (1997-98) despite plying his professional trade elsewhere and being unabashedly unavailable to play in Jamaica's Premier League. NOBODY cared!

So what's eating our inane cricketing authorities who, for years, insisted that players play in domestic competitions to be 'eligible' for West Indies and then cried crocodile tears when the best players said, "No thank you very much"? Patriotism is an individual emotion that should be left to individuals. Fans can criticise an apparent lack of patriotism to their hearts' content (I do it all the time), but there's no rationale for a rule imposing patriotism.

Do we still have these stupid 'No Objection' certificates? What the Charles was that? On what basis would Cricket West Indies insist cricketers sign contracts subjecting them to this arrant nonsense? If we insist on producing a 'West Indies team', especially for the anachronism called 'Test' cricket, we should either be able to entice the best cricketers to play for that imaginary team (there's no such nation) or take who we can get. Whichever is the result of modern commercial negotiation, stop the incessant whining when cricketers are 'not available'. Goodman's Law teaches us everybody is available.

Goodman's Law? Jeez, oonu don't know it all now? Don't ask if it's about the money. It's ALWAYS about the money!

 

World championship

 

Now we come to International Cricket Council's prehistoric cricketing calendar. Can NOBODY see where world sport has been for decades? Nobody, except ancient Brexit supporters still woofing in their ale about whether W.G. Grace or Don Bradman was better, cares who wins an ad hoc England-Australia Test match series. ADD insists sufferers aren't forced to sit for five days without satisfaction. That's called Tantric Sits! Every sport needs a 'world' championship (real or fake) won on the field without delay by any means necessary. Even Wimbledon introduced tie-breakers decades ago!

Stop mixing cricketing formats, thus making it impossible to properly develop each. As iconic cricketer Mikey Holding proposed years ago, divide the year into assigned Test and limited-overs sections. I would add zone teams for speedier conclusions, and introduce annual play-offs and a big final like the FIFA World Cup. Carve out a calendar niche for T20 franchise tournaments.

In the 1970s, no songwriting duo produced more soulful message music than (Gene) McFadden and (John) Whitehead. Their seminal piece was Wake Up Everybody, originally recorded by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes (featuring Theodore Pendergrass Jr). Cricket administrators should consider waking up and prioritising players and fans.

Let's make cricket great again!

Peace and love.

- Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.