Love yourself first before you commit to a relationship

Have you ever been in an intimate relationship in which you gave your full attention only to later realise that the person you were with thought very little of the relationship and exclusivity meant something different in their books?

This is a pretty common trend that a large number of women have experienced, and it has propelled their move to remain single until a man who is serious comes along.

Keisha Wright, entrepreneur and instructor in digital animation, multimedia production, language and communication, and information technology, said it is important for individuals to have a strong understanding of self before trying to understand and be with someone else.

“Some men generally have a problem expressing themselves, and it makes communication difficult ... very difficult. They also think that if a woman is strong and speaks her mind, that she is too independent and needs no support from any man.”

She said it is very difficult to get across to someone who is stuck in his ways and averse to change what is necessary for the strengthening of a partnership.

Wright said what is even more sad is that women are settling with what is available for a number of reasons.

“Women have an expiration date on their ovaries, and many of them are compromising their standards because they want a child. Some slip out of the standards they have set, too, based on where they are in their lives.”

She said that people have standards because their preferences make them happy, and compromising on that affects their happiness in the long term.

“I appreciate a man who is honest about what he wants and not crass. I appreciate a man who is mature, has a sense of humour, is ambitious, tends to my needs,and treats me like a queen. I will treat that man like a king.”

Wright said that love and relationships should never be transactional, and men should not automatically approach certain situations thinking that all women just simply want them for their money.

“I don’t want you for your money. If you feel the need to invest in my business, then thank you, I appreciate it, but that is something you are doing out of the goodness of your heart and not because you have to.”

Wright does not only believe that it is necessary to be true to self so you can be true to someone else, but she also believes that age is but a number.

“We know the stigma that surrounds a younger man and a more mature female being together, and same for a younger woman with an older man. But that is not a concern for me. Once the man is mature enough to handle my personality, I am fine with that,” Wright said.

She added: “I do understand that with younger guys, they may not have had a full experience and are not ready to settle down, and in a case like that, you will just have to know what works for you and what doesn’t.”

She said that singleness is often looked upon as an illness, but she believes it is a time to get to know and be with yourself.

“Women, love your singleness, and love who you are. A relationship does not always work out, and you must learn how to be by yourself until the man that works for you appears. We know the heart wants what it wants in reality, but we just have to make the right choices for our long term,” she advised.

familyandreligion@gleanerjm.com