SSP Diaries | Live and let die

SOME OF us are in the age group where we attend more funerals than parties. I can identify with that. Since the beginning of this year, I have been averaging two per month and in May there are three!

There are several things about funerals today that need to be highlighted. At least three of those I attended had me and others wondering if the right body was in the casket. They bore no resemblance to the person we knew in real life. In one case the relatives were so disturbed that they sought evidence and were accommodated by the funeral home before the service was allowed to begin!

The matter of the preparation of bodies for burial is a topic at most funerals these days. Interestingly, there is a well-known funeral home in mid Jamaica that everyone speaks highly of in this regard as there is no question about who has been presented for burial. I wonder if they have some knowledge that most of the others don’t.

TRIBUTES HAVE BECOME TOO MANY

Funeral services are getting longer and longer. I remember when the Good Friday Service was the longest one in the Anglican Church. This is no longer the case. Only last week, I spent four hours in the church, at the height of the midday sun, and the burial and repast were yet to come. Tributes have become too many, in my humble opinion, everyone doesn’t have to speak.

Remembrances, eulogies and tributes these days are consistent with repetitions and are better served when delivered by family members or someone very close to the deceased. There is no need for everyone to speak and people must respect the wishes of the family. If you are not required to say anything, then don’t try and do so.

In one service I quietly applauded the presiding clergy. The scripture reader began by saying, “Before I read the passage I am going to say a few words”. The heavy baritone of the priest resounded throughout the walls and beyond when he said, “NO, THE READING ONLY!”

It is very difficult in today’s temperatures to wear a suit to a funeral unless the location is fully air conditioned. The heat is unbearable and at one funeral it was so hot that a gentleman suffered heat exhaustion and had to receive medical attention. Dressing in a more practical way but still dignified and befitting the circumstance has got to be the more sensible thing to do in the current climate.

HIGHLY IRREVERENT AND DISTASTEFUL

The Cuban Guayabera or something of a similar styling and appropriate colours, with a dark-coloured trousers, fits the bill in my mind, for men. This is nothing new, but I suggest the need for wider adaptation, and I implore our ladies to also dress appropriately for the occasion. Funerals, however, are not venues for fashion statements to be made by men or women, it is highly irreverent and distasteful when people ‘ply their wares’ as opposed to showing respect for the dead.

Our tradition demands a repast. In today’s reality, this is another burden on the family of the deceased. It is one that I believe we should quietly work to eradicate. How we do this, I am not sure, but it must start with a message from our religious leaders. After all, ‘belief kills and belief cures’. Lavish spreads were provided, especially in rural areas as there is the expectancy that provisions are made for those attending to be fed.

At one funeral, my friend’s family catered for over 400 meals. Funerals can easily bankrupt families if they are not careful and try to satisfy traditions which are no longer practical or affordable. In my opinion, once the deceased has been laid to rest the family should be allowed their quiet time to reflect and complete mourning. Let the dead bury the dead and not be burdened by debt.

Burying the dead is a costly affair. People deserve to be properly served by funeral homes, their loved ones should at the very least be representative of what they looked like in life. Paying one’s last respect must be done in a dignified manner, services should be conducted in a reasonable timeframe (no more than one hour), if one has not been requested to perform a function do not impose yourself upon the proceedings and finally, a funeral must not be used as an excuse not to cook Sunday dinner at home! I hope the goodly clergy of our land will address these issues going forward.