Duffs celebrate 65 years of marriage

When Dr E. Marilyn Duff, who recently celebrated 65 years of marriage, saw The Gleaner’s front page story last week titled ‘Fertility Crisis’ it renewed a passion and emotional pain she bore when she was younger.

Dr Duff, 86, and her husband, Donald, 89, who both met in Canada in 1958, were not able to conceive a child and, back in their younger years, there were not many options for testing, fertility or surrogacy, as it now is, especially in developed countries.

“We were not in the time of in vitro fertilization (IVF) or any assisted fertility programme, so we had a difficulty there and decided not to adopt because we were quite active people. We used to do a lot of sailing. I used to do a lot of events with horses and he used to have his singing with his theatre group and church. So we had a lot of interests outside, and we also bred German Shepherds for a few years. So we had a lot that we used to do, and I guess time just passed,” the Jamaica-born Dr Duff, who lectured at The University of the West Indies, Mona campus, for 15 years and was a nurse in Canada in her earlier years before retiring, told The Sunday Gleaner during an interview on Friday.

“We were busy people, so we never really missed having children, especially after a certain stage,” she said.

Jamaica’s total fertility rate is falling below replacement-population level. The island, with a population of roughly three million, for the first time in December 2023 recorded a fertility rate of 1.9, falling below the internationally accepted 2.1 fertility rate required for maintaining the population at replacement level.

Dr Duff is very passionate about the topic of fertility, because women like her, especially religious women who do not believe in man’s hand in creation, had a desire to have children, but nature would simply not allow them.

However, though Dr Duff would like her country, Jamaica, to have a buzzing workforce, an increased Gross Domestic Product and a population that continues to grow, Jamaicans having fewer children at this time has its benefits because of the state of the nation.

“I see so many people getting married and then giving up. I think most people have to show much more tolerance for each other. And then, I see people not getting married at all, and I think the best thing is to get married and be secure. Not [allowing] women to have children and suddenly they’re having a problem, and then the children are having problems, and it’s such a disruptive family life that we have here in Jamaica now, and even abroad, people are the same way, and it’s much better to get married and settle down than to have a boyfriend and then children for different people,” Dr Duff told The Sunday Gleaner.

She also is not for the idea of importing people to grow the population for the shortfall.

“If we’re in the process of population replacement, we certainly don’t want other people coming in and we want educated people. We don’t want women having five to eight children with no father involved; raising them to be criminals ... . I see so many disrupted family [lives] in Jamaica, and even abroad. I think it’s best people get married and be secure. It’s much better to get married and settle down,” Dr Duff said.

SOCIAL ISSUE

“We don’t want criminals. We want people who are going to build the country... . It’s a social issue. We can’t continue to raise children how we are raising them, because, obviously, we’re doing the wrong thing,” she said.

What tugs most at the heart of Dr Duff, and based on her experience with love, is that love falls apart too easily among the current generation and divorce rates are high.

“As far as marriage goes, people need to be unselfish. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and all those other things that we are told, we do not practise ... and we’re not very nice people,” she said.

To top this, Dr Duff is very concerned that society continues to fall apart because women are often left with the sole responsibility of care and protection for children - a reality she strongly believes God created for the family and not one of both genders and parents alone to carry.

On August 18, the couple celebrated 65 years of marriage. After being locked inside since the COVID-19 pandemic, they returned to the Webster Memorial United Church in St Andrew for an anniversary blessing.

Dr Duff told The Gleaner that their secret to celebrating 65 years of marital bliss is tolerance of each other.

“For us, the secret to enjoying our 65 years of marriage is tolerance. You just have to be patient and tolerant. As a nurse, I tended to have that attribute and personality, and we just got along. We were just good friends,” Dr Duff said.

The Duffs met in Canada 66 years ago, where Donald is a native, went to university and became an engineer. Marilyn had gone there to attend university and practise at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Montreal to become a nurse.

The two met on a blind date after Marilyn was pressured by her colleagues to go out after being on duty for two weeks without a break. Their wedding took place in Jamaica – inside the now 360-year-old St Andrew Parish Church.

After Canada got too cold for their ageing bones, Dr Duff said making the final decision to migrate to Jamaica to enjoy their blissful years was an easy decision for the couple.

After returning to Jamaica, Marilyn did her PhD at The University of the West Indies, Mona, and then lectured.

Donald worked with International Business Machines Corporation (IBM) for 25 years before joining KPMG Jamaica, and eventually retired in the early 2000s.

ainsworth.morris@gleanerjm.com