Hello, mi neighbour! | Weigh your words before speaking them!

Hello, mi neighbour! Had you weighed those words before uttering them, the ‘weight’ you carry today would have been much lighter. But you were angry and spoke your mind. Too angry to control your tongue! And, see’t there now! Guess you’ve never heard of the destructiveness of words spoken in anger. Words spoken in anger are a contributory factor in many breakups. If your relationship means something to you, please weigh your words before speaking them to others. Save future embarrassments, and setbacks.

And, how do we weigh words? Before uttering them, stop and think about the possible impact they may have on the person(s) to whom they are directed! Will they feel good about themselves or about you? Could those words cause them to accept or reject you? Not saying that you should not speak your mind, especially when called for, but one should always use words that build rather than destroy, under all circumstances. And, you know, it is always easier to destroy than to build. Fifteen years to build, 15 minutes to destroy.

An acquaintance of mine, now brushing her 90s, to this day, is regretting the heavy words she hurled at her husband in her heyday – he walked away, never to return. Sad. So sad.

While you were passing the couple a short while ago sitting on the bench laughing and talking with each other, did you think that you would’ve seen them on separate benches with heads stoically trained in other directions? Something has gone awry. And why? Someone might have uttered a weighty word. And, here’s the thing, even if you are with your partner for a hundred years or more, pay attention to those weighty words. If you swallow them, they won’t hurt you. They are only harmful whenever they are ejected.

Heard and actually believed these words as a child: ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me’. But we were children, please forgive us. Now we know that ‘sticks and stones may break bones, but words can really kill’.

Just in case a few may think that I am making up things, I now turn to what research has shown about the significant and lasting impact that weighty words, especially when spoken in anger, can have on individuals, relationships, and communities.

HERE ARE SOME EFFECTS:

· Weighty or careless words can cause deep emotional wounds.

· Harsh words can create lasting fear. (Parents and couples, take note)

· Angry words can lead to defensiveness and escalation. Save your relationship!

· Hurtful words can damage trust and loyalty – the wife or husband may start to look elsewhere as these hurtful words begin to create emotional distance between them both.

Those weighty words have contributed to:

· Loss of intimacy and emotional connection among couples

· Anxiety and depression

· Low self esteem

· Trauma

· Cognitive distortions – the distorted way in which people see themselves

· Social isolation, community conflict/tensions.

· Verbal abuse: this can perpetuate bullying behaviours.

· Cultural toxicity: Chronic anger can create a toxic cultural environment.

· Physical violence – in extreme cases, angry words have led to severe harm and even death.

· Lasting resentment, emotional baggage, lifelong regret, guilt, and personal growth stagnation.

But, guess what, all is not lost. Healing is possible if:

· You hurt someone and apologise sincerely

· You listen attentively to the stories of others

· You remain calm rather than blowing your top

· You seek to resolve rather than reignite conflicts

· You seek to foster empathy and reduce misunderstanding.

Remember, weighty words can have lasting consequences. Lighten your words and enjoy a lighter and brighter day/future.

Lighten the burden of your neighbours who need your help with:

1. Stove

2. Refrigerator

3. Bed

4. Food

5. Medication

6. Financial assistance to start a little business.

To help, please call Silton Townsend @ 876 649-9636 or 876 884-3866. Contact email: helloneighbour@yahoo.com. Visit hellomineighbourja.blogspot.com. Townsend exclusively manages the collections and distributions mentioned in this column and is neither an employee nor agent of The Gleaner.