Gordon Robinson | Another parliamentary misunderstanding?

The nation was glued to Wednesday’s interview of Cowboy Christie by an “oversight” Committee incongruously appointed to investigate Integrity Commission’s (IC’s) investigations of Public Officials including MPs.

The spectacle was as intriguing as a dog trying to bite its own tail. Reportage on the self-serving parliamentary satire became tragi-comic when a television news reader delivered the following gem: “Greg Christie was grilled with questions.” As opposed to what? Barbeque sauce?

Where was I? Ah yes Jamaica was fed a one pot meal of pedestrian parliamentary protein from politically anxious enquirers and low carbohydrate calisthenics from an artful dodger all amounting to the square root of nothing.

The notorious “I’m just a conduit” response to mainly inarticulate and unfocused questions about IC’s parliamentary submissions created a sensation but, like 1960s British rock stars, The Animals, Cowboy can claim:

I’m just a soul whose intentions are good

Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

It reminded me of plumbing. That’s a profession which has been the butt of too many standup comics’ material but I especially remembered one of Haemorrhoid’s most pointed shaggy dog tales. Ernest H. Flower was a regular at our domino games despite not having a clue about the game. But, as the laziest man alive (his incessant complaints about “piles and piles” of files on his desk earned him the colourful nickname), he enjoyed sitting and watching. Occasionally he’d relieve any tension with a long winded story which always required editing for repetition in Tuesday rants.

Haemorrhoid’s plumbing story was set in a suburban home where a plumber was making a house call because of leaking pipes (here Haemorrhoid would pause to offer one of his many detours on the road to the punch line “you know plumbers’ least favourite vegetables are leeks” before collapsing in howls of merriment).

Finally returning to his story, Haemorrhoid recounted, in depth, the pre-work negotiations with the male of the homeowners (wives know they can’t do the work so never haggle; husbands always think they know best). Eventually, the highly “educated” homeowner tries to lecture the plumber on economic theory particularly supply and demand.

At the end of the long and winding road that’s always guides Haemorrhoid’s Shaggy Dog Tales, the plumber says “Well I’m no different than an Economist. We both deal in Gross Domestic Product. But, if you think you conduit better, go right ahead!” Haemorrhoid again rolls on the floor infected with Brian Johnstonesque giggles.

Writing credits for Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood belong to Bennie Benjamin, Gloria Caldwell and Sol Marcus but it was actually co-written by Horace Ott NOT Ott’s wife Gloria Caldwell. Ott was an arranger who once worked on Nat King Cole and Aretha Franklin tracks. Later he breathed life into much of the Village People’s music. Yep, Donald Trump is all Horace Ott’s fault!

Benjamin and Marcus were a songwriting team since the 1940s. Ott started writing the song after getting in a heated argument with new bride Gloria. The song was all about how he felt misunderstood by his wife. Horace, I feel you! Gloria is listed on the credits instead of Ott because of contractual issues. Despite ups and downs, the couple stayed together.

The song was first recorded by Nina Simone in 1964 as down tempo blues but, when covered by The Animals as a rock song, it became a monster hit.

The urge to use Cowboy Christie’s “I’m just a conduit” as farce is almost irresistible to satirists like me. BUT, if we can overlook the awkward, argumentative nature of the questioning we won’t misunderstand his use of the “conduit” reference to characterize his narrow duties regarding transfer of reports from Independent Directors to IC Commissioners.

But the Parliamentary Committee members oughtn’t to have been sidetracked with irrelevant material regarding IC’s internal relationships or recruiting processes. What was at issue here was the relationship between IC and Parliament particularly the egregiously inappropriate timing of delivery to Parliament of the report (or a synopsis of the result of the report) of the Commission’s Director of Corruption Prosecution.

The Cowboy should’ve been allowed to complete his “conduit” obfuscation embellished with his patronizing lecture on the Commission’s internal legal structure then asked “Is the submission of reports to Parliament specifically assigned by law to anyone but you?”

In THAT regard the IC’s Executive Director very much executively directs as evidenced by his signature on the cover letter of the report actually delivered to Parliament.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com