Tony Deyal | Behind every woman is another great woman

Every Sunday morning, I start thinking about what my column will be for the week. Given that I have done 32 years of columns, it is something that I am used to. Sunday, October 13 took me by total and absolute surprise. It was the “National No Bra Day 2024”. I couldn’t keep it to myself so I call my friend “John” (he told me don’t use his right name or his wife will either pack him up of starve him “till he dead”).

One thing about him is John is quick when it comes to women and jokes. He responded, “But Tony, you eh know that today is No Bra Day? Knowing that you are more into drawers than bras, and hats than bonnet, let me ask you, “What did the bra say to the hat?” I replied, “He threaten her to take out his matches and bun-it?” He laughed and said, “No, She’s not like you. What she told the hat was, you go on a head, and I will give these two a lift.”

I told him, “John, you’re really ready like Freddy and bad like a co-bra! But hear this one before you go. My friend Marko took a girl back to his apartment and she told him straight “You definitely don’t have too much experience in taking off bras, eh?” Marko agreed, “Yes is true, but what give me away?” She responded, “The scissors, mostly.” Knowing that John must have the last word, I waited and was not disappointed, “Tony boy, you and I are best friends a long time now and that means that we are like bras.” “What? Bras? Man, you going overboard now like abracadabra. Me, you and bras? You mad or what?” He smiled, then laughed loudly, “Is true. You are close to my heart and there for support!”

NOT AROUND

Unfortunately, John was not around for the second massive surprise in the same week which left me more weak than one of my Canadian school friends. He told me that he got locked in with his girlfriend for seven days during the winter and it was enough to make one weak. Well, I am weaker than that. I found out that today, October 16, 2024, as I write my column to send off to the media, it is National Bra Day! Imagine, even two in one week is far too much for me. I called John again but before he could say anything, I dropped the first joke on him, “Why are bras like secret agents?” Before he could answer I added, “They’re always undercover!” I am not sure, but I had a feeling that he was waiting for me to call him and had a few jokes of his own. He guffawed and then asked, “Ok, but why don’t bras ever tell secrets?” I replied, “Maybe they hiding something big!” John told me, “You got it wrong. They’re too close to the chest.” Then it flowed. John started, “If your cup is only half full, you probably need a different bra.” And without waiting for me to add my joke he said, “You know, my wife look kind of funny last night as I struggled to take her bra off. She was wondering why I had it on in the first place!” He went on, “No joke. I had a friend named Homer who shocked me by wearing a bra of all things. I asked him how long he wearing that and why? The doctor tell you to do it? You know what he tell me, ‘Boy, I don’t have a choice. I wearing it since my wife find it in the glove compartment in my car!”

That stopped me, not the glove but the wife. John’s wife had taken away the phone from him and was very angry with the two of us. She started on me, “Tony, I know John like old talk and jokes, but I expected better from you. You are a journalist and you worked for PAHO. That is the Pan American Health Organisation so you should have known that “No Bra Day” is an annual observance on October 13 on which women are encouraged to go braless as a means to encourage breast cancer awareness about breast health, breast cancer and body positivity.” I thought of my female family and friends, including my wife and three daughters (one is my son’s wife who I consider a daughter), and I apologised and asked her what the “positivity” thing is about. She explained, “Well ‘body positivity’ is the mindset that everyone is worthy of love and a positive body image, regardless of how the media and society tries to define beauty or the ideal body type. When women have a positive body image, they are less anxious or depressed.”

DID NOT STOP

John’s wife did not stop there. “Tony, worse yet, as a journalist you should have known that today is National Bra Day and it is not a joke for you to make fun about, especially you and my husband The two of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Today is to honour women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. The idea is to increase awareness regarding the range of choices available to women who have been diagnosed with it. For many women, the most important is breast reconstruction. This really leaves women feeling good about themselves even though they were diagnosed with cancer.”

Interestingly, though, some women enjoy the jokes and laughter as a way of managing what they are going through. One of them told me, “Tony, you should know that the bra is the most democratic piece of clothing. It elevates the small ones: it supports the big ones; and it keeps the masses together.” And of course, “Mommy, can I wear a bra now that I’m 16?” Mommy replied, “No, David!” The one which in my days at PAHO some of the ladies laughed at most, was the man who said, “So I took off her shirt. Then she told me to take off her skirt and when I did so she made me take off her bra and panties. When I did that, she looked at me and said loud enough for the whole world to hear, “And you better know that I don’t want to catch you wearing my things ever again, you hear!”

In my case, I heard and will always remember what John’s wife told me. I think of my family and what I learnt from them and would wish for their future. I learnt early that girls are capable of doing everything men boast about as their “strength”. Actually, research shows that women have higher levels of emotional intelligence and empathy. They are able to navigate social situations, are great with interpersonal relationships, and are important in a socially interconnected world. Science has also shown that women are stronger than men. Also, when it comes to longevity, surviving illness, copying with trauma not only women are ahead of men, but they were considered to be more effective in 84% of the competencies that we most frequently measure. In other words, what should you do if your man walks out? Shut the door and celebrate.

Tony Deyal was last seen quoting Rihanna, Barbadian singer and businesswoman, “There’s something so special about a woman who dominates in a man’s world. It takes a certain grace, strength, intelligence, fearlessness, and the nerve to never take no for an answer.” Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com