Tony Deyal | Who let the dogs out?

A dog and a cat were having an argument about who was the favourite with humans. The dog was adamant, “Humans like us more than any other animal. They even named a tooth after us, one they call a “canine”. That alone tells you that naming an important body part after us proves all humans love their dogs more than you and your people.” The cat smiled and said, “Guess what? You are not going to win this one!”

I have always been a dog person. I read a book which said, “Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.” Another said, “A house is not a home until it has a dog.” Most of us feel the same way. Inside or outside, most of us loved and took great care of our dogs.

This is why I was really upset on Tuesday night when the dogs were not just let out but were deeply scared by the noise. So, the question for me was, Who Let the Dogs Out? It was a Trini, Anselm Douglas, who at the 2001 Grammy awards earned the group, The Baja Men, the award for the Best Dance Track. But I seriously doubt that any true Trini would have gone after the dogs for money only. Unfortunately, there are some who, like Mark Twain said, “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.”

It is that kind of man whose fireworks hurt dogs’ ears. The loud noise is very distressing for dogs as they have more sensitive hearing than humans. The sounds cause anxiety, stress, and even physical discomfort. More, under a company named FireOne, fireworks have become very popular. FireOne, whose fireworks and sales are much more than one, have “rocketed”. So, what did a Trinidad and Tobago Group of Citizens Against Noise Pollution say to the fireman? They called him “tone deaf” and “condescending”. I would have said, like one firework said to the other, “You’re the bomb!” Or “bum”, as one of my friends said when his dog was so scared it ran out on the road and nearly got killed. There were also some “off-key” jokes like, “Why did the firework got promoted? It was always bursting with potential!” Another to the Fire-man, “Fireworks are a blast! But they always blow their top.”

EVEN MORE UPSET

Actually, I wouldn’t have minded if that happened. Another friend was even more upset and told me a story about a king who had 10 wild dogs which he used to torture and kill any minister that misguided him. A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all, so he decided that the minister would be thrown to the dogs. The minister was upset, “I served you loyally for 10 years and you’re doing this to me?” The king was unrelenting. The minister begged the king to give him 10 days before he was thrown to the dogs. The king agreed. The minister then went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next 10 days. Although baffled, the guard agreed. In the next 10 days, the minister fed the dogs, cared for them, washed them, and provided all sorts of comforts for them. When the 10 days were up, the king did not change his plan. He ordered that the minister should be thrown to the dogs as sentenced. When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw. The dogs were wagging their tails and playing with the condemned minister. They were even licking his feet. When the king asked his staff, “What happened to the dogs?” the minister jumped in, “I served the dogs for only 10 days, and they didn’t forget my service. I served you for 10 years and you forgot everything I did for you at the first mistake.” The king realised his mistake and replaced the dogs with crocodiles! A few of the dog-lovers who had joined us immediately asked, “Tony, where we go get some of them?”

But I am not like that. I would prefer that we create an approach that instead of “Fire-man” winning. and the rest of us losing, we should both win. In other words, he gets the “Yes” and we get the “No” because there is no “And”. That is a way that both parties, especially the dogs, will be safe, sound and happy like pappy. This is what I think my dogs called me. However, my children said it was “Puppy”. It is the right word because it is not just Trinidad, but the entire Caribbean where I worked for many years. It always hurt to see the dogs suffering. Like one of mine in Trinidad, dogs suffer panic attacks, go missing, and even die in the forest because they run and hide from fireworks. Even cats will try to escape the noise and hide. We have to keep them inside the house. I know that the different organisations in the Caribbean follow the AAHA (Animal Association Hospital Association) suggestions of closing curtains to block out flashing lights and play calming music to reduce anxiety. As many people do, when they expect severe distress in their dogs, they give them anti-anxiety medications or sedatives. But like last night in the area where I live, some of the people around kept going with the noisemakers until 3 a.m.

That makes me realise that no “and” is in sight and we should go for a present, in the present, from an American vs Russian dog fight. They would each spend five years to breed the best fighting dog, and the winner would win the world. The Russians went for Doberman and Rottweiler females breeding with Siberian wolves. After five years, they had the biggest, meanest dog in the world. When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a very strange animal. It was a nine-foot Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way the American dog could last even 10 seconds with the Russian. When the cages were opened, the Dachshund came out of its cage and slowly waddled towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and charged the American Dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund’s neck, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief, “We don’t understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler females in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves.” “That’s nothing”, an American replied. “We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.”

Tony Deyal suggested that, in the meantime, keep your eyes on your kids. Police arrested two yesterday – one was drinking battery acid; the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other off. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com