Keisha Patterson finds her light

Don’t call it a comeback. Keisha Patterson was always here. Just selective with her performance appearances, and with good reason. It has been an emotionally taxing seven-year stretch for Patterson, a multihyphenate creative who has been a well-regarded actress, singer, and dancer since her teenage years as a member first with the Jamaica Junior Theatre, then its parental arm, the Jamaica Musical Theatre Company.

Painful scenes of her life have cued multiple heartbreaks, which she wished would have produced alternative endings. Her retired guidance counsellor mother Yvonne’s transition in October was the latest in a string of successive deaths of those nearest and dearest.

“Starting with the loss of my dad in 2017, then with the added nightmare of a pandemic, navigation was pretty difficult because I don’t deal well with grief,” an unguarded Patterson shared over coffee sips at a cafe sitdown in New Kingston with this writer, a confidant and ‘bestie’ of 25 years.

“After dad passed, my aunt died the following year, then my cousin, then an uncle, then my life partner Dalton in 2020, followed by [my] sister, Ava. I didn’t know which way was up after a while. And then I just stopped moving forward,” shared Patterson.

Life, according to the creative triple threat, felt akin to a prolonged haze, but she maintains a deep resolve to push ahead.

“There was a quiet voice that spoke to me in slumber … a little spark that refused [to] die. And so I live to tell the tale. I feel like death tried to conquer me, and it almost did. I am the one that became the conqueror. I look back, and I always have to give thanks that I overcame this period in my life. I can now say, ‘But look at me in my right mind, look at me still existing.’”

This extended mourning process has naturally been a hard road to travel, and her dearly departed mother’s recent passing is still freshly resonant.

“I’m still coming to terms with her loss as it hasn’t been two months yet, and sometimes I forget she is no longer on this plane. I have been dealing with it by acting like she is at home, and I’m gonna visit her soon. I prefer that,” she explained.

As for her beloved paternal figure, insurance executive John Patterson, while the chanteuse and thespian vividly remembered her grandparents’ deaths, she told The Sunday Gleaner that when he died, “it felt as if it was the first family member I had lost, and the fact that my dad was my best friend left me inconsolable. It was the first time I just didn’t want to sing. He was always in my audience, so it felt strange singing knowing he wasn’t there, so my mind started conjuring him up, and I’d see him so clearly.”

“I was actually doing a Jambiz production at the time and was grateful that I had something to put my energy into. Otherwise, I would have just curled up into a ball and done nothing. My siblings and I got much closer [in] dealing with the loss of him, and we communicated a lot on video calls and WhatsApp. I never imagined his passing would impact my drive to perform, but it did,” the former Campion College alum admitted.

Then, four years ago, a gut-punching blow came when her life partner of 15 years, renowned musician Dalton Browne, passed away shortly after heart surgery. Patterson was left adrift, feeling wedged between time and space.

“Losing Dalton just seemed so ridiculous to me, and I use that word because that is truly how I felt,” recounted the misty-eyed performer as she raised the cup of earthy Blue Mountain coffee to her lips. “You know, like when you’re watching a series on TV, and a character dies, and you’re angry with the writer of the show? That’s how I felt. At that time, I was angry with God, the Divine Writer, for taking him away. I also felt survivor’s remorse. Why should I be here if he couldn’t be here? My mind kept repeating that in my head.”

Speaking further, Patterson – whose 2008 reggae-jazz fusion debut album Sunday Kind of Love, which was produced by Browne – explained: “I felt we were on a train together, and I fell asleep, and Dalton got off at a stop and left me on this train going to who knows where. I was lost without him. I didn’t want to enjoy anything without him, and I certainly couldn’t see myself having new experiences without him. I just stopped living. I stopped listening to music because every song reminded me of him. I wasn’t singing because I didn’t have the drive ... that’s how that time was for me.”

Patterson’s love story with Dalton began when they met as backing vocalist and guitarist, respectively, on the late pop superstar Sinead O’Connor’s world tour for her 2004 reggae album Throw Down Your Arms, recorded at Tuff Gong Studios in Kingston and produced by the legendary industry duo of Sly & Robbie. “One of my favourite memories of Dalton is the start of that tour and travelling from Kingston to London, London to Paris. Of the entire entourage of more than ten, we were the only two [who] travelled together from Kingston. I realised after that it was kismet. This was meant to be.”

Love would blossom for the pair, who would embark on a decades-long relationship that dovetailed into being musical collaborators and working with a host of singers.

“The truth is Dalton and I travelled the world together, and it was all magical and special, and we both loved touring and performing. These were the days when I sang background vocals and opened for the Big Ship Captain, the legend Freddie McGregor, and Dalt was his musical director. He taught me to keep a cool head and not be so reactionary. He was the calm to my chaos.”

Of their hopscotching continents as a pair, she counts Hawaii as a standout. “We had just gotten engaged, so I remember trying to get used to this ring on “this finger” around that time,” she reflected.

Her gaze momentarily wanders to look at her hand where once a diamond ring had held pride of place. She snaps back to the present, looking up, and recalled: “China was also special as I had represented Jamaica at the World Expo, and he was my musical director and band leader.”

Nine months into wrestling with her other half’s eternal rest, the Grim Reaper visited Patterson’s orbit once more. This time for her sister, Ava, her fourth eldest sibling.

“When Ava passed soon after Dalton, I was still dealing with my anger at the world. I descended into depression, but I was fortunate to have my close friends around who really gathered around me and, held me up and stayed by my side. I’m forever grateful,” she said.

Resilience has become her constant companion, and as she leans into manifesting positivity in her life, Patterson is all set to return to the stage after a four-year absence.

She is to co-star in playwright Patrick Brown’s new Jambiz production, Barefoot Battalion, which premieres on Boxing Day at the Courtleigh Auditorium. “To say I’m excited to be in the upcoming Jambiz play would be an understatement. I cut my teeth in the theatre, so even when I’m not on stage, you might see me working behind the scenes, but I must say I’m most excited to embody this new character and to tread the boards once again.”

The pending theatrical production, for which rehearsals began last month, marks the sixth time Patterson has been in the cast of the storied Jambiz universe.

She is in jubilant spirits to be back in the fold of familiar company. “They [Jambiz] mean more to me than I could probably ever adequately express. I have an abundance of gratitude, respect, love, and honour for them. They were my light at the end of a very dark tunnel,” Patterson shared.

Of her character Jenny in the new 19th century-set play, Patterson, who first worked with Jambiz in 2010 on Breadfruit Kingdom, describes her latest stage persona as “a vulnerable, determined woman who is not without her share of baggage”.

Preparation for the role, she explained, involved musing on “What has she gone through in life? Where is she going now? What in her past motivates her actions and responses? What is at stake? By this approach, I’m better able to bring the character to life, to become her, as opposed to just reciting the lines that were written for her.”

As a seasoned practitioner of the performing arts, is there any she favours? “People are always surprised when I say acting brings me the most joy of the three. I am mostly known for singing, but when someone writes a role for me or chooses me to embody a character, I am always excited to find out who she is ... and to speak her words and live her life, if only for a moment, and even with a hoarse voice I can act, but I can’t sing if I’m hoarse.”

Make no mistake, she’s not through belting alto, honey-sweet vocals into a microphone anytime soon. There’s a follow-up to Sunday Kind of Love brewing. “I love that album and all that it represented, and by that, I mean my dad would always tell me, ‘Keisha, you can put a little reggae in your shows,’ and Dalton is the one who suggested fusing jazz with reggae,” divulged the vocalist who grew up on a steady diet of Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra, and Sarah Vaughan records her dad would spin. “I still want to do an album of jazz standards. So that is on the table for the coming year.”

An avowed fan of the iconic Dame Shirley Bassey’s voice and performances, Patterson said she intentionally mirrored her vocals and stylings off her. “My vocal range has gotten lower as I’ve gotten older, and I don’t believe I’ve put enough into maintaining my range over, specifically, the last four years,” Patterson assessed. “It takes much more out of me to belt the big tunes as easily as I did before. I’m actively working on building back my range as we speak. But I also know I’m more interested in impacting people with the songs I sing. So I have expanded my repertoire. It’s no longer just about showstopper tunes. Now, I’m focused on the lyrics having [an] impact on people, words that help, songs that would have helped me when I was at those very low points in my life. I want it to have meaning,”

In the midst of this holiday season, she told The Sunday Gleaner that it would be a little more challenging this year. “Christmas always reminds me of my dad as we used to put up the tree together and go out to the plazas and go see the lights. He loved his eggnog and fruit cake. I always have wonderful memories of him around Christmas.”

Self-care these days for Patterson is basking in the outdoors. “I love, love, love the sun. I spend as much time as I can in the sun. I love grounding as well, which is connecting with Mother Earth through the soles of my feet. It’s sooo good for my soul. And I play my guitar as a hobby, but there are no plans to perform with it, though.”

She pauses and is circumspect about where the journey has led. “I’m also strangely more driven ... I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth, so I won’t question why I’m feeling it. I just know when it was gone, it was gone. I’m now ready to move forward. And I secretly feel like it’s my mom pushing from behind, too. Thanks, mom.”

entertainment@gleanerjm.com