Bundle of joy motivates teen mothers to succeed

Faced with being bullied in primary school, Anna* contemplated suicide and eventually started self-harming by cutting her wrist.

Anna, who continued to be bullied in high school, was being picked on for being the daughter of a “don”. She feared the worst if she told her parents. As a result, she suffered silently while harbouring secret thoughts of one day ending her life.

But at 16, she became pregnant and, oddly, it was through that experience of motherhood as a teen that she found a reason to live.

“If a never fi my baby, mi goodly all dead long time because I have been a victim of bully from primary school. Mi always think about suicide and if it wasn’t for my baby it done long time,” Anna told The Sunday Gleaner last week.

“If a never fi my baby the amount of things would a happen to mi already but mi say mi afi go live to see my baby reach a certain age, ensure that him get a good education, have good support. A mi a him number one supporter, him biggest fan, so mi afi ensure that mi deh deh fi him,” she reasoned.

Teenage pregnancy is frowned upon, with the young ladies often meeting stigmatisation, disdain and reproach in society, but for many young mothers like Anna, motherhood has provided renewed motivation, and an unwavering will to succeed despite the odds.

All they ask for, they say, is a “second chance” to get it right, eternally grateful for organisations and individuals who have not turned their back on them, but are helping them to rise above their situation and make something of themselves.

High rates of teenage pregnancy have long been a significant issue across the island. According to the latest data from the World Health Organization, Jamaica has one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the Caribbean, with over 60 per cent of all pregnancies occurring among young women between the ages of 15 and 19.

This has been attributed to a range of factors, including poverty, poor guidance, poor parenting, lack of access to education and reproductive health services, and social and cultural norms that stigmatise premarital sex and discourage the use of contraceptives. This continues to have far-reaching social, economic, and health consequences for both the young mother and her child.

But advocates and experts note that with proper help and guidance, there can be positive outcomes for the teen mother and child, especially when the young women have found a new lease on life because of the new life they now hold dear.

THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF BEING A YOUNG MOTHER

On Friday, The Sunday Gleaner sat down with Anna, the mother of a five-month-old boy, and several young mothers enrolled at the Women’s Centre of Jamaica Foundation, and listened as they shared about the highs and lows of being a young mother and how motherhood has now motivated them to succeed.

Anna stressed that the experience has inspired her to go after her dreams of pursuing a career in the field of social work or medicine.

According to her, she was never daunted as she received strong support from her parents, relatives, in-laws as well as her principal and teachers at her high school.

Anna recalled that she had confided in her principal early about her pregnancy and was invited to return and resit her Caribbean Secondary Education Certificate (CSEC) exams, which she will be doing in a few months.

For the now outspoken and bubbly teen, getting pregnant early was not what she had envisioned. Unfortunately, she said it occurred on the first sexual encounter for both her and her partner although they had used a condom.

‘MI DID WAAN KILL MISELF’

Unlike Anna who had found a reason to live because of the baby, Aneka wanted to end her life when she found out about her pregnancy.

The 17-year-old mother of a seven-month-old boy said, “Mi did feel like mi waa kill miself because mi did have nuff plans say mi waa finish high school because at the time I was in 10 grade and mi did waa go school so mi can help mi mada and mi fada come out a di community wey dem deh in right yah now.”

Eventually, she said, she shook the feeling off following support from her parents and partner.

Aneka*, who has the sickle cell trait, said initially she was worried about complications but is happy that both her baby and herself are alive and healthy.

For Julicia*, finding out that she was pregnant was very disappointing and sad not only for her but for her parents, but despite the challenges she is determined to excel.

“My life doesn’t end. I get a second chance so I can carry on. I am delayed but not denied,” she told The Sunday Gleaner.

“Honestly, it kind of shaped my life in a direction to not really be confused about what I was thinking about. It gives me that clear vision of what I am expecting and of what I am going for in the future because I know I am going to be someone great. Still not sure what but I know I have to do it now,” she said.

Continuing, the aspiring lawyer, songwriter and entertainer said, “It pushes me to be dedicated to my goals and be there for my child and support him financially and emotionally.”

LEARNT TO SHUT OUT THE NEGATIVE NOISES

The proud teen mothers who have learnt how to shut out the negative noises said they never contemplated abortion and are prepared to be the best parents they can be by providing all that is necessary for their children.

“Mi did done tell myself already say if dis happen to mi, it nuh mek sense if mi dash wey a child. You never know if this is the only child that you can get,” chimed in Rhianna*, another 17-year-old.

According to the young mothers, motherhood is not easy but it’s a joy to watch and nurture their child.

Abbey* said it warms her heart to see her child smile knowing he is healthy and able-bodied.

“Every day mi come a school him motivate mi to come. Every day mi come a school, a him mi a do it for cause mi want a better environment and a good education for him,” added the aspiring hairdresser.

For Julicia, “The best thing about being a mother is to wake up and see my child’s face. That gives me the motivation to go out there and to try my best to make sure that he lives a comfortable life and that he is safe and secure living in a nice community where there is no violence. I want to know that he is not seeing any bad things that would trigger a side of him that makes him feel like him waa bad.”

“I want a nice gentleman that respects females because a lot of females are in my family,” she said.

The teenage mothers all expressed that they enjoy strong support from families. However, among their biggest challenges is dealing with their children’s sickness and having to miss school to seek medical attention or having to stay with their children for days in the hospital.

Attending to their children at night and balancing time for their studies and rest are also struggles.

WOMEN’S CENTRE A LIFE SAVER

The young mothers, while also hampered by the fact that they are not yet in a position to steadily provide for their children financially, are exceedingly grateful to the Women’s Centre for allowing them to continue their education, assist with the daycare needs for their children as well as offering personal supplies and much-needed items for their babies.

The Women’s Centre Programme for Adolescent Mothers was established in 1978 in response to the high level of teenage pregnancy in Jamaica. In 1991, the programme gained foundation status, and was renamed the Women’s Centre of Jamaica Foundation.

The mandate of the Women’s Centre is to provide continuing education for girls who drop out of school on account of a pregnancy. Since inception, it has assisted 46,989 adolescent mothers.

“The Women’s Centre is one of the best places for teenage mothers. They mentally and emotionally support you and if any little thing you can call your counsellor,” noted Aneka.

“Dem show you say you nuh need to be ashamed and that it already happen and at least you choose to carry your baby and not do abortion.”

Unlike some of the young mothers who indicated that they had relatives who were willing to keep their babies while they attend school, Julicia said that was not the case for her as her mother is a go-getter and was not going to stay home with her child.

“Imagine if I didn’t have an institution to come to that has a nursery to keep my child, I would be a stay-at-home mom with nothing,” she said, while also crediting the Women’s Centre for providing mothers with free meals which also help to ease their burden.

The young mothers also lauded the Women’s Centre for equipping them with the knowledge and skill to become better parents.

WON’T MAKE MISTAKES MOTHERS DID

They are determined to become better parents than their parents, especially their mothers, who they felt did not offer them enough attention in some instances and were too aggressive.

Abby*,17, mother of a five-month-old boy, said, “Mi learn fi love mi child, nuh discourage him, nuh treat him nuh way because sometimes, not because them young, them think to do suicide because them watch things on TV, so mi learn to be a better parent to mi child.”

They also stressed that it was important for mothers to bond with their children and to have deep discussions about issues relating to sex and pregnancy.

For some, their mothers did not talk to them regularly about those issues and even though some mothers were aware that they had boyfriends, they mainly advised them about using condoms.

Anna said it was only after she became pregnant that she learnt that her mother was a teenage mother and was told that there was a history of teenage pregnancy on both sides of her family.

Looking back, she said it would have made a “big difference” if her mother had told her about that and other forms of contraceptives besides condoms.

Abby said before her pregnancy in fourth form, her mother, who she lives with, never discussed the issue of sex and contraception with her. At the same time, the 17-year-old admitted that she was aware of contraceptives but that her partner did not want to use a condom as she was virgin.

“Have a bond with your child, have a special time when you talk with your daughter, show them that love,” Rihanna advised mothers, while adding that her mother, “always deh a road, always a talk to her frens. A dem she have time fa.”

“Mi believe if mi and my mother did have that relationship mi wouldn’t have no need for boys, wudn’t need to bad,” she said. “You see when you don’t have a bond with your child, worst if a girl, dat ago mek dem go out of the way, dem ago seek love otherwise.”

Further to that, she said some mothers need to let go of their aggression and find better ways to discipline their children other than resorting to physical abuse, noting that she was regularly beaten by her mom with a piece of 2x4 board.

‘BEHAVE UNUH SELF, STOP BAD’

As mothers across the globe celebrate Mother’s Day, the teen mothers, except for Aneka, said they, too, will be celebrating as it’s a day that they have looked forward to because they are happy for the opportunity to be mothers, in spite of the circumstance.

Aneka, who had celebrated her first Mother’s Day during her pregnancy and was most excited, said that her cousin, who was the father figure in her life, was killed in front of her on Mother’s Day which has spoiled any further celebration for her on that day.

Despite the celebrations, the teen mothers are conscious of the setbacks and struggles that early pregnancy can cause and, as a result, are warning teenagers to focus on school and to protect themselves from getting pregnant if they are indulging in sex.

“Behave unuh self, stop bad. Unuh have whole heap a time. Unuh born come see man, unuh ago ded left them,” Julicia said, admitting that having a boyfriend while in school distracted her from focusing on her studies.

Aneka’s advice: “If you get pregnant do not give up and if anybody bash you, hold your head up. No do nuh suicide ting or dem ting deh.”

[*Names changed to protect identity]

tanesha.mundle@gleanerjm.com

Through its main centres and outreach stations, Women’s Centre of Jamaica Foundation offers:

1. Continuing education for adolescent mothers 17 years and under

2. Counselling for “baby-fathers”, their parents and parents of adolescent mothers

3. Daycare facilities for babies of adolescent mothers and babies of working mothers

4. “Walk-in” counselling service for women and men of all ages

5. Peer counselling training for in-school youths

6. Counselling for clients in the Child Diversion Programme