A bittersweet relationship between single father, son

HORACE LINDSAY and his son, 14-year-old Usain, demonstrates the unbreakable bond that has been said to exist between fathers and their sons.

Studies suggest that the reason why this bond is so important is because it has a significant impact on a child’s cognitive and social development and promotes personal growth.

Boys who are said to have a close relationship with their father throughout their childhood might also find it easier to manage stress as adults.

But the relationship between the elder Lindsay and Usain, though unbreakable, has not gone on without its challenges and so, could not be described as a perfect one.

In an interview with The Gleaner on Thursday, Lindsay referred to Usain, his only child, as his “whole world”, while explaining how difficult at times it has been to be a father.

When Usain was just two months old, his mother dropped him off at his father’s house and never returned.

“When she carry him come give me, one big bag!” he exclaimed, adding that a passport and other documentation along with baby clothes and other items were in the bags she left at his house.

As a result, he has been raising him ever since.

Lindsay detailed the struggles he faced very early on in fatherhood as he found it difficult to juggle being a single father to a newborn and managing his work schedule.

Took baby to work

At first, when Lindsay worked as a bus conductor, he stated that he would have to bring little Usain on the buses which he travelled. This was a very stressful time for the two and was not a practical solution.

“Until me meet one young lady and she decide say me cyah have the pickney pon bus with people weh a have him up,” he said, noting that the woman helped to raise Usain until he was age seven.

“Deh so now my misery start now when she sick and died,” he added.

Lindsay, who also works on construction sites and takes up other manual labour to earn a living, stated that working in the early mornings, sometimes before sunrise, and returning home late at nights, made things difficult to raise Usain. He then decided to send his son to a woman friend in Brown’s Hall, St Catherine.

“But when him eight-year-old, something [seemed] wrong and I feel a that give him a more trauma,” he said.

Lindsay confessed that Usain and another eight-year-old – who was the son of the woman’s boyfriend – were left unattended.

“They left the two eight-year-old boys in the water and when them come back them see my son, Usain, on a stone sit down. So, when them ask where is Mark, him say Mark a wash weh and grab after him [but] him flash weh him hand and Mark wash weh gone. It end up that the yute drown,” he recalled the sad tale.

After this incident, Lindsay said that’s when he started noticing a change in his son’s demeanour, and by the time Usain was 10, he would routinely run away from home.

He said that after being prescribed medication by doctors who carried out several tests, his runaway bouts persisted. Usain ran away a total of 14 times, Lindsay said. He added that there were instances where he found his son talking to himself and acting erratically.

“I try to give him everything. Inna him room him have laptop, him have phone, tablet, and every minute him run out,” he expressed.

“Me is a man weh nuh grow up fi have certain things so, other than making someone calling my son and give him a one wear-out slippers (for example), me try fi give him everything,” he said.

Taken into State care

By the time Usain reached the age of 12, he was then taken into State care for a period of three months and a few weeks, Lindsay said. Though being worried every day by this, Lindsay always ensured to show up for his son in every way possible until he was released. The eventual return of Usain into the family, he added, was a joyful occasion for him.

After several counselling sessions, Usain stopped running away from home causing his father to regain happiness.

“Me mind kinda easy now,” he said, adding that even though he still has challenges with him leaving the home without permission, he no longer strays far and would ensure to remain in the community.

Despite the rocky start of their relationship, Lindsay stated that he is constantly motivated to be a good father for Usain as he is guided by his love for him.

Usain has since shown signs of improvement and accompanies his father on some of the jobs he goes out to do. Lindsay stated that he pays his son for his help as a means of teaching him how to become a responsible young man.

Lindsay said his son aspires to become a lawyer like King’s Counsel, K.D. Knight, who he admires.

“To be a father, the first thing is love,” Lindsay said.

“Some parents let their child loose,” he added, but noted that this was not the appropriate way of parenting.

“If you don’t have any love you cah be no parent,” he warned, cautioning parents to be more caring and protective of their children.

asha.wilks@gleanerjm.com