Motherhood delayed, but not denied

Statistics have shown that women are having children later in life, with an increase in the number of women having children over the age of 40 in many countries, including the United States where the birth rate for women aged 40 to 44 has been steadily rising since the early 1980s.

While being a mother over the age of 40 can come with its own set of challenges, such as concerns about health and fertility, many women who choose to have children later in life find great joy and fulfilment in parenting. Medical technology has also made it possible for women to give birth to healthy babies.

Toni-Ann Neita-Elliott recently gave birth to twins. With almost two decades of working in finance under her belt, having worked at Citibank in a variety of roles involving FX trading, securities trading, money marketing trading and now marketing and sales, heading the team at Sterling Asset Management as vice president, she sat down with us to share her journey to motherhood.

Living: When did you know you wanted to be a mother?

Toni-Ann Neita-Elliott: I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be a mother and helping my mother to care for my sister starting when I was 10 years old only served to cement that desire. In fact, I was so involved in raising my sister that she often says I was like her second (stricter) mom and we joke that she was my “starter child”. So imagine my panic and fear when motherhood did not come easily for me.

What were some of the challenges you faced?

Although I was raised by a single mother and knew I could raise a child by myself, if necessary, it was important for me to try to find a partner to raise a family with. That perfect partner came along later in life when I was past my prime fertility years, so we knew we needed to start trying right away. However, what comes so easily to others kept eluding me.

Being a very organised and planned person who likes to be in control, this was a lesson that not everything can be planned or is within our control. But it was also a lesson in perseverance, as neither my husband nor I were willing to give up.

There were years of visits to doctors, painful medical tests, disappointments and failures. My team at Sterling Asset Management was very supportive throughout, allowing me time off when needed and even accommodating my need to work remotely so that I could visit doctors overseas.

How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?

Imagine our elation when we found out that not only were we pregnant, but it was twins — a boy and a girl at that! I could not believe it. Talk about a rainbow at the end of the storm and a perfect beginning for the next chapter of our lives. It has been truly touching how excited and overjoyed everyone, including my clients, have been about their arrival.

What does it feel like to be a new mother to twins?

I feel like a superhero when I look at them and realise that I carried these two little people inside me! It has only been six surreal weeks, but I already have a new-found respect for mothers especially mothers of twins. It is no joke when they are crying at the same time.

Will you share your journey with the twins when they get older?

Because my path to motherhood was not an easy one, I think I have and will continue to appreciate the blessing of being a mother more than the average person. I feel grateful to finally be a mother as not everyone who wants to be one gets to be, and not everyone who gets to be a mother wants to be. I look forward to telling the twins how much they were wanted, loved and appreciated before they even got here.

lifestyle@gleanerjm.com