Parenting a balancing act
Published:Thursday | June 18, 2015 | 7:02 AMRuddy Mathison
The task of parenting a child after a divorce demands a strong presence by both parents in the life of the child.
Collington Powell, 42, principal at the Friendship Primary School in Spanish Town, St Catherine, was married for 11. That marriage produced a son.
Remarried since February of this year, Powell said he now also has the responsibility of parenting a son who is not his biological child from his present marriage.
Speaking to Family and Religion, the man who is a president-elect candidate for the upcoming Jamaica Teachers' Association presidency, said even though the institution of the family is somewhat disrupted by a divorce, individual values necessary in the raising of children must not be compromised.
"Sometimes divorces are inevitable especially when couples disagree on fundamental issues; it gets to a point where the marriage becomes irreconcilable. But even when this is so, the well being of children born during the marriage must take priority," the educator stated.
He said the severing of his first marriage would have affected his 14-year-old son, Khamali but because he maintained a strong presence in his life, he believes it lessens the effect on him.
"Despite the fact that I am divorced, I still project strong family values and every opportunity I get I spend it with my son, who lives with his mother; he even has his own room at my house. In fact he enjoys the best of both worlds," Powell said.
He speaks about the importance of maintaining what he calls a working relationship with his ex-wife; a relationship he said allows them to remain respectful and speaks with one voice as it relates to discipline for Khamali.
"My ex-wife and I are helping our son to build his character which I think is necessary for his development. We put aside our differences and approach his interest with one accord," Powell pointed out, adding that this is an almost perfect way of parenting in the context of parents who are divorced.
According to Powell, this approach is bearing fruit because he has started to see a developing child who is well mannered and doing well at St Jago High where he is a student.
"While ideally we know what is best but based on circumstances there has to be separation, as far as possible we have to maintain constant dialogue and whatever decision is taken is in the best interest of the child," Powell informed.
He declared that in his present marriage even though nine-year-old Lebron is not his biological son, he has to provide the same level of parenting.
"Step-parenting is not easy; it has a lot of challenges and is always a work in progress. The child is always aware of the biological relationship and sometimes displayed a level of protest," he acknowledged.
Powell said as a parent one should not take the child's action personally but fashion what is done bearing in mind all the factors.
"When I got married to Shernette, we became a family so I have to accept all the responsibilities that come with this: my attitude towards Lebron has to be the same as my attitude towards Khamali," Powell acclaimed.
The man who attained bachelors and masters degrees by balancing family life and studies said, it is important for Jamaican men who are in divorce situations not to separate themselves from their children because of the mothers.
He said the template to follow is to forge a working relationship with the mothers and agrees on most issues.