Doctor’s Advice | Sex is no fun for her

Q I am a 22-year-old female and I consider myself to be very healthy. Sex is natural for me, but I don't consider it fun or exciting. Why? Flirting with different guys is fun for me until it comes to 'that topic'. Then, I regret talking to the person.

When I do have sex, I don't get 'wet' easily, and it's always a fuss with me to actually allow penetration. So I'm now starting to think that something is wrong with me. I wonder, Doc, is something up with my hormones? Should I get them tested?

A Well, it is rare to find a young woman who is having sexual difficulties because of a hormone problem. But if you can afford it, you could ask for a test to be done. But it would make more sense to see an understanding doctor. Ask her to examine you, and talk over these problems with her.

Two possibilities occur to me:

1. You may have the common female disability of 'vaginismus' - in which the vagina tightens up (and also dries up) whenever time a guy gets near it;

2. It is just possible that you may really be a lesbian, and you should explore this with the doctor.

So, your first move should be to make that appointment to see the doctor. She may want to send you to a therapist to talk things over. I am sure your sex life will eventually be OK, but I am afraid that there are no quick solutions.

Q Doc, I am a guy of 19. So far, I have only occasionally had sex with girls. In between times, I have to confess that I masturbate. Will this do me any physical harm?

A No, none whatsoever. Contrary to what some people still think, masturbation does young men no harm at all, so quit fretting.

Q I am a female, and have recently started to become sexually active. So far, this just involves 'petting' or love play. What I would like to know is this: Could just one drop of a guy's 'man fluid' make a girl pregnant?

A Well, one drop usually contains thousands of sperms. So it could possibly get you pregnant. Therefore, the moral is that if you are going to fool around with guys, you must take great care not to let any seminal fluid into your vagina.

Q I am a guy of 20, and I have never had sex. Doc, this is because of the fact that my foreskin is so tight that there is only a tiny hole at the end. I would be real embarrassed to let a girl see this. Please, what can I do? Would there be any point in taking a circumcision operation?

A If your foreskin is this tight, I am surprised that you are able to pass urine! Certainly, sexual intercourse would be almost impossible.

If everything is as tight as you say, then it is almost certainly best to take a circumcision operation. I do not advise this procedure lightly, but in your case, I think it is essential.

Please ask a doctor to refer you to the type of surgeon called a urologist. This surgeon will be able to snip off the little piece of skin, so you can get erections without difficulty. And in the fullness of time, I am certain that you will be able to have sex with the lady of your choice. Good luck!

Q Hi there, Doc. I am female, age 17. I have had quite a bit of sex, and I mostly enjoy it. I take good care not to get pregnant.

My boyfriend and his best friend have made a suggestion to me. They are saying that I should go to bed with them both at once. They both claim that this would give me a fantastic time and that I would have much more pleasure than I have ever had before. But I am not so sure. Should I agree?

A Please have nothing to do with this foolish suggestion. Guys are always coming up with crazy ideas like this. Your boyfriend and his pal are not suggesting this because they want you to have a great deal of pleasure. They are just putting forward the idea because they want to try something 'kinky' and exciting for them.

By the way, I don't believe that this experience would give you any great pleasure. Women rarely find it very stimulating to be in bed with two guys instead of one. And frequently, things go wildly wrong so that one male 'comes' too soon, or perhaps, can't manage it at all.

Furthermore, having two sex partners makes it more likely that you will get pregnant or get a venereal disease.

Finally, there is a high probability that after this episode you would feel guilty and ashamed of yourself. I urge you not to do it!

Q Good day. I am a guy of 19 who is about to lose his virginity next week with an older woman of 25.

I am a little nervous about this, Doc. Any good advice?

A Well, are you quite sure that you want to do this? Please remember that there are considerable risks associated with having sex, for instance, getting the lady pregnant, or catching a sexually transmitted infection from her.

If you are going to go ahead, I would strongly urge you to buy yourself some condoms, and to use one throughout sex. Do not be tempted just to put it on at the last moment before orgasm!

As to your nervousness, I think you should explain to this older lady that this is your first time. In this situation, many women are real sympathetic towards younger men. There is a high probability that she will show you exactly what to do and tell you what she wants.

Q Doc, I am a young woman of 20. Last month, I had sex with a guy for the first time.

Much to my surprise, I did not orgasm. Why was this? Is there something wrong with me?

A Relax. Most women do not climax when they first have sex. Indeed, many females don't orgasm until several months - or even years - after they start having intercourse. The thing you must realise is that sexual intercourse by itself does not cause climaxes. Women have to have considerable stimulation of the clitoris if they are going to 'come'.

Q I am a guy of 20 and still a virgin. Do you think there is anything wrong with me, Doc?

A Certainly not! Quite a lot of guys are still virgin at 20, or even 25. In former times, I believe that most males of 20 were virgins. Just take things easy, and don't be in a rush to lose your virginity.

Q I am 21, and female. I have had sex with around six guys, but still I don't get pregnant. Do you think that I am sterile, Doc?

A Probably not, although it would be wise to go to a doctor and have her check you over, and give you a good advice. She will almost certainly tell you that your past sex life has been far too risky!

- Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@

gleanerjm.com, and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.