Why premarital counselling is important

When I said I do, I meant that I will ‘til the end of all time

Be faithful and true, devoted to you

That’s what I had in mind when I said I do

When I Said I Do – Chante Moore, Kenny Lattimore

‘Marry in haste, repent at leisure’.

Too many times couples have found this saying to be true as they rush headlong into marriage, with some not even taking the time to count the cost or to find out exactly what they are getting into.

Filled with a rush of emotions and convinced that they have found their soulmate for life, they ignore everything else and make a mad dash for the altar.

While some marriage officers insist on premarital counselling – a form of therapy that couples engage in preparing them for marriage – others choose to leave the decision solely up to the couples.

Family and Religion asked Valrie James, pastor of the Savanna Cross Church of God of Prophecy, for her views on premarital counselling. She is of the firm belief that counselling should be mandatory before couples say ‘I do’.

James said many couples dismiss the very idea of premarital counselling and underrate its significance.

But, she said, “It plays an important role in preparing couples to live together. The sessions are meant to assist couples in ensuring they maintain strong and healthy relationships. It also affords them a greater chance of keeping their relationship alive,” she shared.

For her, there are so many things that can go wrong in a marriage, which some couples never even thought about. She particularly warned couples in Christendom that they must understand the importance of spending quality time together building their relationship and avoid being burned out by being involved in too many church activities, allowing their relationship to die.

They must have balance and know how to nurture their partners, shared James.

“Of course, there are other simple things, such as fasting and its implication on the spouse. Bringing these matters out in the open and discussing them give couples a head start in dealing with some of the issues that can crop up in a relationship,” she said.

be aware

Pointing to some of the troubled relationships which made the headlines in recent times, James said more than ever it is imperative for persons making the decision to share their lives in holy matrimony to be aware of just what they are getting into – something premarital counselling covers in its many scenarios, which are presented to the couples to gauge their response.

“No one wants to believe that the man or woman of their dreams could be an undercover monster, so it’s better to explore many different scenarios and get an idea how they should respond in each,” she said, adding that the counselling sessions are not always foolproof because some people are great actors and actresses and are able to mask their reactions and true nature until they are ready to pounce.

Still, James said for the most part, couples who engage in counselling are honest and it helps when some simple things can also be explored in the relationship.

For those who think premarital counselling is not important and couples are mature enough to deal with any issue that may arise, James said some might, but she would advise that they explore the many benefits it brings.

Highlighting the advantages, James said it gives couples insight as most times couples are too into their feelings and fail to think about important things that need to be addressed.

“The counsellor will also guide them into having realistic expectations to open their eyes to other issues, as well as highlight things what could cause potential conflicts in the relationship,” she pointed out.

James, in her capacity as a pastor, said some couples admit that had it not been for the counselling they received before walking down the aisle, they would have thrown in the towel a long time ago.

She added that marriage is too important not to go into without a fighting chance.

“Think about it … it’s an institution, it will take preparation, work and constant upgrading. Counselling will always have its place,” she said.