A story of redemption: Broken wrist saves couple

WESTERN BUREAU:

Christopher Allen lifted his hand to hit his wife Antoinette Nelson-Allen, but felt like he had hit a cast iron. The impact broke his wrist.

“That was the last time I lifted my hand to hit her. Following that incident, we started therapy which led us to give our lives to the Lord,” the husband stated.

It has been seven years of love, joy and peace in their relationship since, but it took the couple over 20 years of physical, mental and emotional abuse to get to this point where they were able to share their story during the just-concluded ‘16 Days of Activism’, which called for the end to gender-based violence against women and girls.

An initiative by social entrepreneur Kith-Ann Excell, who goes by the moniker ‘The Conceptualist’, declared that her aim is to empower women.

“The ‘16 Days of Activism’ (which began on November 25, which is celebrated as International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women to December 10th Human Rights Day) means a lot to me. No woman should feel like she has to suffer in silence. But more so, no man should ever feel empowered to silence her!”

Flipping the coin to tell the story from the man’s side, The Sunday Gleaner gave Christopher Allen, a real estate developer/businessman, the opportunity to explain why he felt the need to beat his woman to a frazzle. His abusive behaviour lasted for several of the 27 years that he has been with his wife.

HIS EXPLANATION

“I have made a lot of mistakes. But you live and you learn. The things I did were just not right. But the main thing is that when you seek God, you see things differently,” he shared.

Looking back, Christopher said he was ignorant, “and the Bible says lack of knowledge will let my people perish. I was perishing from a lack of knowledge. I did some things that were not right in the sight of God.”

He added that when a man comes in contact with Jesus, he sees things totally different. “Old things are passed away and all things become new. I am just a new man now, where God has control of my life.”

Some of the unspoken things Antoinette went through with her husband he may have forgotten, but what he remembers clearly includes the verbal and physical abuse.

“As a man with more knowledge, I know she felt real bad. But thank God for the changes. Now I see life differently. Now I treat my wife differently. I honour and respect her. She is my best friend. She a mi wife! She a mi every ting! And mi jus thank God for all of the great things that he has done in my life, that I can just honour my wife and respect her,” he said.

HER REASON

Reminiscing on the intimate-partner violence which became the fabric of her life, Antoinette said there were times she thought of revenge.

“I thought of many ways in which I could hurt him. I contemplated throwing hot water on him while he slept. I used to wish that a bus or a truck would hit him. I would tell him to sleep with one eye open,” she confessed.

Yet she stayed.

“I was angry at myself for not leaving the first time he hit me. I was 17 and pregnant with our first child. I had spent the night with a friend and he was upset that he couldn’t find me. The following day my mother told me he came by the house looking for me. When I eventually saw him, he punched me in my eye. That was when the abuse first started. Then in my late 30s it was like every other day,” the wife recounted.

The beatings, she said, stemmed from his jealousy over who she spent time with. She had to hide in order to spend time with friends, because he would always assume she was cheating. Antoinette became a compulsive liar, just so she could enjoy her freedom.

“I even had to lie to him when our daughter got pregnant at 15. I knew if I told him he would withdraw his affection from her and treat her scornfully. I hated that I had to protect his ego by lying all the time just to make him feel better. Deep down inside I didn’t want that kind of relationship,” she said.

Antoinette said she exercised tremendous forgiveness to reach where she is today.

“At the height of when things were not working out, he sent me to the US with my two kids. But after six months he asked me to give him another chance. He said he wanted his family back,” she shared.

GOD STEPPED IN

Christopher Allen sought therapy and the changes started.

“I was confused. I deliberated heavily on what to do. I remember staying in my bathroom for two hours asking God why He would want me to go back to this abusive relationship. But the answer I got was that he needed me more than I needed him. Then we both started going to church and our relationship was completely transformed because he was completely transformed,” Antoinette beamed.

Now 49 and 44 years old, respectively, husband and wife have not looked back.

janet.silvera@gleanerjm.com