The power of friendships

On the heels of grappling with the loss of family, friends and co-workers during the recent pandemic, friendships have taken a deeper and more meaningful position in many of our lives. Friendships are more impactful than we sometimes realise. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” King Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived, said the same thing in a different way. “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:19-20 (NIV).

If we hang out with people who are wiser than us, smarter than us, have better marriages than us, are better with money than us, and are better leaders than us, we’re going to become like them and we’re going to rise to their level. The opposite is also true. Our friends are a significant determiner of our future. The people we spend the most time with (outside of family), help to shape who we are. Eventually, we will start to think and behave as they do. Darren Hardy wrote, “According to research by social psychologist Dr David McClelland of Harvard, [the people you habitually associate with] determine as much as 95 per cent of your success or failure in life.”

In almost every area of our lives, we will be somewhere in the middle, the average of our five closest friends. Make a list of your five closest friends and test it. As we do this exercise, the question will arise, ‘Are you hanging with the right people?’ The Scriptures tell us that, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17 (NIV). How different would our lives be if we had five or six friends who loved us all the time? Friends who always helped in our times of need, who want the best for us, invested in us and guided us in the right way.

Pastor Craig Groeschel gave us an accurate modern-day definition of friendship when he said, “A friend is someone you may or may not know well who accepts your friend request on Facebook. This person is born to like and comment on your posts to make you feel good about yourself.” Proverbs 17:17 Facebook Version. The problem is, according to sociological studies (American Statistics), using the Biblical definition of friendship, very few of us have real friends. The average person today only has two or less close friends, but 25 years ago, the average person had six close friends. Friendships are declining and the top three reasons for this, according to the research, are:

1. Increase in work hours: We’re spending more time working, and it’s impacting the development of good relationships.

2. Increase in divorce rates: Studies show that, not only are divorces hard on families, but they’re also hard on friendships. Friends then take sides and this often causes friendships to break down.

3. The explosion of social media: Social media isn’t bad but it is redefining the way we define and think about friends.

For many of us, there’s a gnawing sense on the inside that something is not quite right. Deep down, we believe there must be something more relational than what we’re experiencing. One good friend can change our destiny. Good friends increase our sense of belonging and purpose. Healthy friendships boost happiness, reduce stress, improve self-confidence and self-worth. Friends help us cope with traumas, like divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one. One good friend can impact our destiny.