Burdens or Blessings?: A case for large families

I was intrigued by an article on the Internet where an expectant father was devastated when his wife told him his life would be chaotic with lots of sleepless nights, and that he could say goodbye to a life of travel and fun once they started having kids. He took to Instagram for feedback and was pleasantly surprised by the heartwarming and encouraging responses received which exposed him to a deeper level of insight.

The last five years likewise has forced my husband and me to examine and challenge the paradigm which had shaped our decision with respect to how many children we had, and how we raised our family as parents of faith.

Notwithstanding the factors which are beyond any family control such as infertility, different family circumstances, and callings., we had to re-examine key questions which every family must ask when making decisions as responsible stewards of this wonderful institution of parenting.

Among the questions were: Is it up to society, economics, us the parents, or God? Have we truly examined the evidence for and against its preservation and tested its validity? Could it be that much of what we are told in the media and in many areas of culture is wrong?BARRIERS

In the post-modern era, there has been a shift from larger families to smaller families. There is even a direct suggestion that ‘two’ children are now considered the accepted norm, ‘two is better than too many’ . Once you go beyond that threshold you are automatically labelled as a “breeder” and this can possibly unleash a tsunami of ire from family, friends, fellow church members and even total strangers.

These popular opinions create barriers for parents and prospective parents who have large families on the grounds of social, cultural, economic and environmental evidence. Whereas some barriers to having larger families are valid given the uniqueness of each family’s situation, many are rooted in our own ignorance and selfishness.

The truth is, the evidence is now telling a different tale. With respect to culture, overpopulation is a myth! The world’s real problem now is not having enough children. Much of the developed world is actually experiencing a birth dearth, and not a baby boom. Countries like France and Canada are even subsidising (expenses for) couples who choose to have more children. In Jamaica, we have to be careful also of the message we are sending to this generation. We should examine the barriers that we have built with respect to the family.

My experience is that maternity leave beyond three children is not supported in institutions under the government’s purview.

Another barrier we need to examine as people of faith is the scarcity myth that guides our decision to have children.

Various media outlets are careful to report the average costs to raise a child from birth to age 18 years which substantially increases from year to year. This includes food, transportation, health-care, childcare, and many other costs. This scarcity mindset is a myth to God’s abundance. Many use this information to decide against having children, or not to have more of them, because they just can’t afford them. This was the reality of many of our parents years ago who didn’t have the luxuries we now enjoy, but who did an excellent job nevertheless. I am a testimony to that fact.

My experience is that having a large family has put us in a more responsible financial situation, has taught us delayed gratification and how to use our resources effectively. To be a parent is an unselfish act as you give your time to parenthood. Recently I had a conversation with a potential grandfather who had to give up on his dreams of having a grandchild because his only child who was now married decided against having children. We are now forced to ask the question: Are we raising a selfish generation who don’t want the bother of having kids?

GOD’S PERSPECTIVE

In our relentless pursuit of meaning in life, we seek happiness in the worldly definition of success, and measure ourselves against others using things that we can quantify or count. Upon close examination, what we realise is that ‘greed’ and ‘fear’ are at the root of most of our decisions. But as people of faith this should not guide our decisions.

Don’t allow these myths to shape your perspectives, and decisions overriding God’s perspective of the family as written in His Word. These myths have the potential to create chaos for future generations, as many young persons have decided against having children.

Family size is shifting because of the devaluing of children themselves, with society seeing them as burdens instead of the blessings that God declares them to be.

They represent the seeds which we are sowing into our future. My goal today is to remind us of this truth that has been taken for granted. I encourage you if you have been given the grace, to be open to what God has in store for your family, even if it is a large family. Use that grace. The truth is, God has given us the freedom to choose, so be a wise builder by examining the foundations upon which you build.

Our shift in perspective has allowed us to become happier and more open to embrace what we believe is God’s unique plan concerning our family. I recently gave birth to my son who is the pride and joy of the family. We now have five children, four girls and the fifth, our son of promise. The hours of sweat and tears we invest in our work can produce great fruit, but the hours invested into family will reap a lasting reward. We believe that investing in our children’s hearts and lives will reach much farther than the material things of this world.

Esther Sinclair is a mother, author and wife of Pastor Dillon Sinclair who leads the Waterloo and Alpine Mennonite Churches.