Shackeria Mesquita: Overcomes a self-sabotaging mindset

SHACKERIA MESQUITA is now a committed teacher whose only desire is to ensure her students are successful academically as she prepares them for the future. She also spends her time educating young entrepreneurs on the value of being strategic in business, as well as creating strategic plans for their businesses.

Looking back at where she is coming from, Mesquita is grateful to God for taking her from a high school dropout to nurturing minds.

Mesquita said her misfortunes started when her mother left her at age two. She was raised by her father and stepmother.

As she got older, the relationship between Mesquita and her stepmother broke down.

She said her home life started to affect her mentally as she could not sleep at nights and was afraid to go home. School was no longer a place to learn – it became a safe house.

“I refused to be beaten at both home and school, so I was generally quiet, but if you crossed me, I would give you every bit of my pent-up rage.” Soon, Mesquita said, things started getting worse at the safe house because the teachers, one in particular, were frustrated with her ability to keep up or add to the standard of ‘the prestigious high school’ she was attending.

Upset with her performance, she said the teacher burst out in front of the whole class, “You not going to become anything in life.”

“I was crushed, and sure enough I went home and was only told to prove him wrong. The abuse continued and by this, I was having regular panic attacks at school,” she shared, stating that on one of those days when she had the panic attack on her way from school, she had to be rushed to the hospital by friends.

At age 17, she was diagnosed with chronic depression and was put on antidepressants.

“I was high from my medication and just gave up. The following day when both parents left for work, I felt all hope and fight had gone and decided to kill myself. I popped all my antidepressants from the casing only for my little brother – my guardian angel – to appear beside me out of nowhere and said ‘watch him a go kill himself’. I got scared and threw the pills away,” she reminisced.

The next day she told her father she was going back to school as she felt just fine. A few months later, her father was called to the school by the principal … they wanted him to get her into another school.

On the home front, Mesquita said her father was given an ultimatum by her stepmother to make a choice between his daughter and her.

He chose his daughter, advising the stepmother that he is all she had, and that he is the sole parent in her life. She left after that revelation.

When it was time for her to enrol in another school, Mesquita told her father not to waste his money as she doubt that she would do well there. He believed her and granted her wish.

She started living the life of a dropout with many referring to her as a “cruff”. She accepted the title, soon feeling hopeless, while outside she portrayed the image of someone who is content and happy.

One year later, her father was in another relationship. This time she developed a bond with her new stepmother, who Mesquita said started “speaking life into her”.

“She said I was smart and I watched how they handled depression and mental issues with a sense of normality and care. She realised I needed psychological help and got me into counselling sessions. Because of the secret I kept about almost taking my life, I always refuse medication or lied that I took them when the prescriptions were filled,” she notes.

However, Mesquita shared that talking aided her, and speaking about her fears eased her discomfort and she no longer hid her feelings.

It was those sessions that saw her having the courage to return to school and, according to her, it took her getting one good grade to realise she was not a dunce.

“But I was still timid in math because I was told I would not become anything by one of those teachers. I ended up going to classes and did well. I worked for a couple months in fast food and was encouraged to return to school and do something in business. I did and I excelled,” Mesquita reminisced.

She said her progress was so noticeable that she was invited to encourage youth groups as well as to pursue her dreams of becoming a teacher. She accomplished that goal as a student at Bethlehem Moravian College, where she acquired her bachelor’s degree in education, specialising in English.

Looking back, Mesquita said the most valuable lesson she has learned from her experience is that life can be hard and obstacles are plenty, but she has a choice.

“I didn’t choose to be abused or kicked out of school, but all those things happened. I was given grace by God when he sent my little brother, and my dad’s [new] girlfriend, who I call Mommy. However, I had to choose. I chose to take the olive branch extended to pull me from the pit of depression and death. I had to choose to walk far away from the edge when I reached the surface. I had to choose,” she shared.

Now a born-again Christian, Mesquita said she now realises why she was unsuccessful when she attempted suicide.

God had her here for a reason so she can empower others. She noted that God made her understand that had she been successful, she would have been killing “a teacher, empowerment speaker and an author”.

Mesquita is now spreading awareness on her second book Activate To Achieve: The 411 On Overcoming a Self-Sabotaging Mindset And Emerge Successful, something she said was inspired by her being obedient and selfless.

“I was going about my business, having never dreamt of being an author, maybe a model or actress, but never an author, when I heard a voice say, ‘write a book’. I questioned the voice, ‘write a book about what?’ I didn’t get any answer like the first encounter. I, however, felt an urgency overtaking me so much so I grabbed a notebook and just started writing and searching for quotes and scriptures.” It wasn’t long before she realised she was creating a framework that mirrored the transformation of her mindset, which was as a result of her past experience.

“I was shocked because it sent a message. It is time to expand on your story to help more people”. Fast-forward to now and Mesquita is doing just that through teaching, motivating and making a difference in the lives of those with whom she comes in contact.