Sunday Sauce - Jezebel and Jaggabite
Published:Sunday | October 17, 2010 | 12:00 AM
Oxy Moron, Contributor
Banks are usually quiet. Even the most boisterous person suddenly becomes decent when he or she steps into a bank. Yet, there are those who, from time to time, forget they are in a 'hallowed' place. The persons who speak through their cellular earpieces readily come to mind.
At the top of their voices they divulge information which only they and their recipients should hear. Annoying! Then, there are those who engage in small talk just to pass time. But my father is the one who tops the list of disgusting 'bank-silence breakers'. I will not give details, but I can say this incident happened in front of me, and out of severe embarrassment I wanted the world to end.
That dreadlocked man must have felt the same way, years ago, in a certain high-profile bank in western Jamaica. It was the usual quiet atmosphere, until, a huge woman wearing a red head-tie entered. She lumbered to the centre of the bank, stood akimbo, and then broke out into a tirade about her millions of dollars that she couldn't get from the bank. From the managers to the janitors, she gave them all a piece of her mind until she had none left.
She approached every teller, demanding her inheritance. They ignored her. The security officer warned her, to which she replied, "A what yuh good fah!?" Around and around she went. She neared the dreadlocked man, who had semi-circular pattern baldness. His 'head-top' was clean, but he had long, flowing hair at the back and sides.
As the woman, whom I called 'Miss Inheritance', approached him, he scowled, "Ole jezebel, stop the noise inna de people dem bank." Miss Inheritance stopped in her tracks. She resumed the akimbo posture, and her buxom bosom heaved furiously. She looked the 'dread' up and down, up and down, until she locked her eyes with his.
The bank was now very, very quiet. If hair dropped you would have heard it. And, here it came: "Look pon yuh, you ole jaggabite, yuh see how yuh head look like when picharie nyam out john crow back!" Miss Inheritance blurted.
And the unwritten rule of silence in the bank was shattered into millions of pieces.